Twenty years ago (December 1998), Márcia and I made our way to the most wonderful honeymoon we've ever had (our only one). We were traveling from Brasilia to Porto Seguro, in Bahia, Brazil. On the way, through dangerous hills and steep curves, as we ventured into the sea, we had our first experience of fear together in the Atlantic rain forest; When the high road turned into low roads, between screams and scares, we laughed at the signs and posts we saw on the way. The first one was normal: "Watch out, danger ahead". Okay, this post is known, it was okay, I supposed. But they kept appearing on the road, something to be taken more seriously (and laughable at the same time).
The next signs warned: "Defects on the track" and "Driver, do not be deceived, this road is very dangerous." - And then: "Attention - Wet Tracks– Use headlights and keep your distance." The laughter started, and I was already worried about the signs of accidents already etched on the bumpy asphalt. "Holes on the road - The next one: "Check the brakes for God's sake!" And one that made us think a bit more ... "Animals on the way - idiots on the wheel - REALLY”. - Worse than that! "For safe passage: only if you are sure that another car isn’t coming" and even more an insult: " Do not drive like an animal, the critters thank you!" and also "For God's sake - Do not run, do not kill, do not die! "If you drink, go to sleep, don’t go driving." If you did not appeal to God, some Bahiano must have suggested the next post, which read: "THE DEVIL TEMPTS - THE KNIFE COMES: When driving in the rain, please do not invent" - - And finally: "Respect the signs, you are the ones to get there".
Those signs really were there. I do not know if they were part of any campaign to steer drivers in a safer direction or if the traffic engineer had the feeling of making those warnings very frank. In fact, I eased my foot off the pedal and paid close attention to the signs and what they alerted me to. We arrived safely to our destination, and we lived to tell this story about the way there, twenty years later (and we lived happily ever after…).
Twenty years as an ordained minister of the Word and the Sacraments, I sometimes think I should have signs for the ministry that they say CAUTION, CHURCH AHEAD!, that is the reason for the title of this article. The title of this essay may seem rather unusual. After all, we would assume that the church was a safe place, right? However, unfortunately, the church has been at times a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a large percentage of people who stop attending church do so because of some kind of offense or prejudice to the accidental feelings that happened there. Sometimes this is because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are to blame for being too sensitive or, for some spiritual handicap, susceptible to misunderstanding.
In any case, it is sad that such experiences occur because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve, and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren, as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1. 7)
Whatever you do, don’t give up on the church. That, being engaged to Christ, it is the only agency of the heavens on earth. God requires you to be faithful to Him and be accountable to your spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10.25, 13.17). On the trip to our honeymoon, giving up was never an option. Márcia and I were sure that our first time together would be worth every fright or obstacle. If you were injured in the church, you shouldn’t run away - but equip yourself with the protection of the Word of God. You may not be able to prevent offensive things from happening, but by applying the principles of God you can prevent them from hurting you. "(Psalm 119. 165) There is much peace in those who love your law, and there is no stumbling block to them. Just as Márcia and I read the warnings on the way to our honeymoon, there are warning signs that Christians should read as they enter the local, visible church, which is the vehicle the elect must follow on the only way, truth and life, that is Christ: and no man comes unto the Father, but by him: (Jesus said unto him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no man comes unto the Father, but by me.
Perhaps if someone read the following signs of warnings and ordinances along the way, he could experience true happiness and fulfillment of God's promises.
The definition of disappointment is "failure to meet a person's expectations". Do not expect things from the church or pastor that they cannot keep, or the Bible does not teach. Many expectations have to do with preconceived "traditions" that we come to be associated with a church, perhaps another fellowship that we attend or grow, etc. It is a good idea to meet the pastor and ask what you can expect from your ministry and church. You cannot expect the safety of an interstate or a federal highway confined on a small side road.
Avoid developing unrealistic expectations of the church- "O my soul, wait only on God, for my hope is from him." (Psalm 62. 5)
Occasionally, people are disappointed when they discover that their church cannot meet all their earthly needs. Most pastors and churches try to help people in every possible way - especially those in need during crises and emergencies. But some people expect the church to meet all of their material needs or pay their bills as the early church did. Unfortunately, this is simply not possible unless all agree to sell all their property and possessions and deliver them to the church as the first believers (Acts 4. 34-35). Most churches would be blessed if everyone simply gave their tithes. However, statistics show that only a small percentage of churchgoers give full tithe regularly.
Nor is it realistic to expect the pastor to spend all his time with you, to participate in all social functions or to show him constant attention. Instead, learn to put your expectations in God - He will always be faithful to His promises in His Word, and will never disappoint you.
Realizing that any human being can fail, the degree of trust we place on people should be limited and will depend on their background. "Thus said the Lord, Cursed be the man that trusts in man, and makes flesh his arm, and turns away his heart from the Lord." (Jeremiah 17. 5) Often we look at the first part of this verse, and forget the we must not put our trust in people, And yet, we can not fail to trust in God. One of the things we trust in the Lord is that he surrounds us with people who are transformed by his Spirit, the more we know the character of a person and the history of his behavior, we can determine how reliable he is. This is one of the reasons the Scriptures tell us to meet our pastors and spiritual leaders - so from their godly lifestyle we can rely on their leadership. " And we beseech you, brethren, to acknowledge them that labor among you, and who stand before you in the Lord, and admonish you "(1 Thessalonians 5.12)
Don't place your absolute trust on people - Wake up to the fact that everyone is human and will fail you at some time or another. Even the pastor will make mistakes. The only one on whom you can rely entirely, without fail, is God.
There is a difference between "love" and "trust." It is possible to love and forgive someone without placing an absolute trust in them. To illustrate this, let's say there is a school bus driver with drinking issues. One day, while carrying a load of children, he becomes intoxicated, destroys the bus, and kills them all. As the sole survivor of the accident, he turns to the church to seek God's forgiveness for this horrible act of irresponsibility. If he repents of his sin, will God forgive him? Absolutely. Should the church love and forgive this person? Of course! What if he volunteered to drive the church bus for us? Do we trust him? No way! It would be unthinkable to put a person in the driver's seat who has shown recent negligence. We certainly love him and forgive him, but because of this man's weak history, we cannot risk the lives of our passengers. During a long period of sobriety and safe driving, this person can prove that he is again trustworthy. Especially, if the road is so difficult, dangerous and tortuous, like the road to the honeymoon.
Remember that love and forgiveness are granted unconditionally, but trust must be "won". Trust is gained in the actions of a person. Surely we can and should trust people who demonstrate a trustworthy behavior, but as all men have the potential to fail, we should never place an infallible sense of trust in anyone except God.
The Bible teaches that all Christians must "speak the same thing" so that there is unity in the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 1.10). The only possibility of such a union is when Christians focus on the common ground that is Christ and His Word. That is, we need to "say what the Word says", let the Word speak for itself and not try to promote diverse opinions about it (the track is wet, raise the headlights!). In the scriptures we see that Paul instructed Timothy to "preach the Word," not his opinions (2 Timothy 4. 2). A preacher must be a deliverer of God's message, not a commentator. This is the work of the Holy Spirit (1 John 2.27).
In the past, news media were obliged to abide by a very strict code of ethics. They should report the facts of the news accurately, without adding their opinion or comment. However, over time, the story has become less factual and more opinionated - corrupted by rumors and gossip, rather than real information. Reporters have evolved into commentators, who manipulate what people think about the news. Like reporters, preachers need to fix the facts on what the Bible says, and what Scripture demands.
Concentrate on the common ground- "But I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye should all speak the same thing, and that there be no dissension among you; but be united in one mind and in one mind. "(1 Corinthians 1.10)
Avoid becoming highly opinionated. Opinions are the interpretations and ideas of men, which, if pressed constantly on other people, can cause division or promote debates and sinful disputes (Romans 1.29). People with opinions tend to get hurt when others disagree with them.
Of course, every believer has his own convictions about many things, but if you continually try to push your thoughts down the throat, the conflict will eventually arise. Avoid controversy over passages that may seem vague and encourage many interpretations - Remember, Bible interprets the Bible. We have a free examination of the scriptures, but neither the church nor the shepherds (much less the Pope) nor anyone else has the right to say, "As I see it." This bravado should be a warning sign to keep the distance from who says it. Stand firm in those common basic truths - Jesus, his life, death and resurrection - and do not add to what the Word of God says. "The whole Word of God is pure; a shield is for those who trust in him. Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and be found a liar. "(Proverbs 30. 5-6)
It is noteworthy to consider that the apostle Paul openly confessed that he was not perfect. Like us, he experienced struggles in his flesh to do the right things. If one of the leading writers and apostles of the early church admitted this, it should not seem too strange if we find other brothers and sisters in the church struggling with imperfections as well.
Since churches are made up of people like you and me who have imperfections, there will never be a perfect church (that's why we call it a militant Church, not a Triumphant Church). Unless people understand this, they will have an unrealistic view of the church and will eventually become disillusioned and hurt.
Do not expect any church to be perfect - "For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, there dwells no good thing: and the will is in me, but I can not do good. I want, but the evil that I do not want this I do. "(Romans 7.18, 19)
One of the church's ministry jobs is to help perfect the saints - as a spiritual hospital where people go to improve. Instead of resenting people in the church for their failures, be thankful that you are trying to grow in Christ to improve. Not just learning HOW to love, but learning to love and accept people for who they are - they are no more perfect than you.
As it has been said of beauty, imperfection is in the eyes of the beholder. A person with a negative attitude can find fault wherever he wants. In contrast, the person with a positive outlook can always find good and beauty in things. The well-adjusted person in the church should look for good and encouraging things, as the Bible teaches (Philippians 4.8). Those who live on the negative or continually encounter failures in the church will end up hurting themselves.
Have a humble and gentle attitude like Christ (Matthew 11.29, Romans 12. 3). Besides being unpleasant, pride and arrogance will prepare you for a fall (Proverbs 16.18). Do not promote yourself, campaign or strive to get a nominated or elected position. God is the one who puts people in such positions, and, unless he does, stay away from that competition. Lift up the Lord in everything he says and speaks. Do not gossip or talk about yourself. "He who speaks of himself seeks his own glory; but he that seeks the glory of him that sent him, the same is true, and in him is no unrighteousness. "(John 7.18)
Do not seek to promote yourself or your own agenda - "Do not lift up your haughty brow or speak with a stiff neck. For from the east, and from the west, and from the wilderness, there is no exaltation. (Psalm 75.5,6)
Avoid the trap of assuming that your opinions are always divinely inspired or undisputed. Share your suggestions and ideas with church leaders, but do not press your opinions or personal agenda. Sometimes people feel that all their ideas come from God. They may try to add force to their suggestions or complaints by saying "God told me so." In fact, God speaks to his children, but you will not be the sole source by which God reveals Himself in a matter. If your opinions really come from God, the Bible says others will testify to this, especially their pastors and leaders (2 Corinthians 13.1, 1 Corinthians 14.29). (You will not even have to call on God's name - they can tell you if your ideas came from him.) Be careful, so you will not find yourself using his name falsely, a very dangerous thing - Exodus 20. 7). Ministers and pastors are representatives in an orderly chain of command, and if they want to bring something to a church, they will testify with those responsible.
When you go to church, you should try to disassociate it from the other personal problems you deal with. Most hurt feelings in a church result from wounds and sensibilities that people carry with them. This kind of emotional distress can create "distorted perceptions" that may prevent you from seeing reality in the same way as others. Things such as low self-esteem, child abuse, marital problems, personal grievances, family conflicts, a root of bitterness, health problems, or job dissatisfaction can distort your interpretation of words and actions. You may imagine that people do not like you (paranoia) or misinterpret well-meaning words as if they were an offense.
Avoid blaming the church for personal problems- "Thou shalt keep in peace him whose mind is steadfast in thee; because he trusts in you. "(Isaiah 26.3)
Trivial problems will seem like big problems. The guilt for unhappiness can be transferred to the church, its leaders or specific people. You can attack others or be quick to find fault in the church. Remember this: do not jump to conclusions about anything, because things are usually not as bad as they seem.
Many injuries can be avoided if we realize that people often respond to how we treat them. Take a close look at the way you say things, or even how much you talk. "For out of much concern do dreams come, and the voice of the foolish of the multitude of words." (Ecclesiastes 5: 3). Do not be rude and impolite. Check your attitude so you're not arrogant and overbearing - people will be turned off and will try to avoid you. There are people who say: I'm just honest! "So I answer," Be honest, but do not be uneducated "
Treat others as you wish to be treated - "Therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do to them also, for this is the law and the prophets." (Matthew 7.12)
Humans tend to be "reciprocal" creatures. That is, they reflect the way they are treated. That's why Jesus gave us the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The way most people interact with you is a direct result of how you interact with them. If you have a frown on your face, you will not get many smiles. If you offer sympathy, it will usually be offered back (Proverbs 18.24). Be gracious, encouraging and a blessing to others. If you have a negative and critical attitude towards people, it will tend to be critical of you. "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; do not condemn and you will not be condemned; let loose, and they will let you go. "(Luke 6.37)
The lack of proper respect for authority is a common problem nowadays. People do not want to hear about what to do or be corrected if they are wrong. This is one of the reasons why the modern church is producing so many immature believers. When some people hear something they do not like, or are corrected in some way, they just pack up and go to another church, or they jump from church to church until they find one that says things they like to hear. "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but in their ears they will heap up to themselves teachers according to their own lusts "(2 Timothy 4. 3)
Have a receptive and cooperative attitude - "Obey your shepherds and submit yourselves to them; because they watch over your souls, as those who will give account of them; that they may do it with joy and not with groaning, because it would not profit you "(Hebrews 13.17).
The Bible teaches believers to be cooperative and submissive to their spiritual leaders - something that is not possible, unless the believer is committed to a church and accountable to a local pastor. The responsibility to a godly pastor is part of God's order for the spiritual growth of every Christian. The Word of God gives the pastor authority to organize and maintain church order, and to teach the truth of God, to correct and discipline as necessary to keep his flock accountable to biblical principles. In Paul's encouragement to the ministers, he declared: "That you preach the word, urge in season and out of season, reprehend, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. (2Timothy 4.2). (See also 2Timothy 3.16, Titus 2.15, 1Timothy 5.20.)
As long as you are part of any particular church, you must accept that the pastor and leaders are in charge. Regardless of how disqualified you may think them to be, God recognizes them as the authority in that body and will hold you accountable for that burden. Consequently, God burdens you for respecting their authority, praying for them, and cooperating - not being rebellious and disobedient.
Be always cooperative, willing to humiliate yourself. If you have a rigid and inflexible attitude in the church, you will probably get hurt.
Do not speak evil of anyone! Once, when Paul was punished for preaching the gospel, he unknowingly condemned Ananias, the high priest, who had commanded the apostle to receive the scourges. However, when Paul realized who he was, he apologized for speaking against Ananias, knowing that it is forbidden to speak against the representative of God - despite the fact that Paul's treatment for Ananias was wrong (Acts 23.5). It is a serious matter to "touch" the anointed ones of God - be it with our words or our actions. Although today we no longer have the figure of the anointed as the priestly figure, for the HIGH PRIEST has received the title of the anointed. The Old Testament principle of respect for leaders remains in force. Imperfect as they may be, they are their representatives. "He did not allow anyone to do them wrong; Yea, he rebuked the kings for their sake, saying, "He did not allow anyone to oppress them, and rebuked kings for their sake, saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do not afflict my prophets" (Psalm 105.14,15) and still "They came out of us, but they were not of us; for if they were of us they would be with us; but this is to make it manifest that they are not all of us. And ye have the anointing of the Holy One, and ye know all things. I did not write to you because you did not know the truth, but because you know it, and because no lie comes from the truth. "(1John 2. 19-21)
Do not oppose or hinder the church - "These six things the Lord hates, and the seventh his soul abhors: Haughty eyes, lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, Heart that makes perverse thoughts, feet that rush to run to evil, the false witness who utters lies, and he who sows strife among brothers. "(Proverbs 6. 16-19)
One of the things that God least likes is one who sows discord, those that create division and conflict in the body of Christ. Do not be gossipy, itchy or quarrelsome. If you are dissatisfied with the church in any way, offer your help to make improvements, pray for it or, as a last resort, find another church that you are most happy with - but never become a source of unrest or hindrance.
If a minister did something wrong in any way, do not incriminate yourself by responding in an anti-biblical way - do not attack, retaliate with rumors against him, or run behind him. You should go and confront him in private, according to the scriptural form described in Matthew 18. 15-17. If the first and second attempts do not bring a solution, bring the matter to the spiritual body, such as the church board, council, session, presbytery or denominational superintendents to which he answers - any correction or discipline should be left to them. Keep in mind that an accusation against a minister is a serious matter and will not be accepted unless other witnesses can prove the matter. (1Timothy 5.19).
When things are not as they should be in the church or with their leadership, there are honorable ways to help promote improvements or resolve iniquities. However, it is unethical to oppose the church or to attack its leadership, and the people who do will probably end up hurt, bitter or possibly worse.
When someone offends you, Jesus says that you must first go to him or her and confront him privately. Most offenses in the church result from misunderstandings, and many could be quickly resolved if the offended parties went to the source and found out the facts. Unfortunately, some offended people only absorb the offense silently, as they become bitter and resentful. It is important, and a matter of obedience to his Word, that such matters be confronted, so that (1) you do not become bitter and withdraw from the church, (2) that the offender is blamed and does not repeat their offenses, which could harm the faith of others, and (3) that the perpetrator of sin could be reconciled to God. If they do not cooperate with your first private effort, you should try a second time, taking witnesses with you. Finally, if it does not succeed, turn it over to the leadership of the church.
Be committed to frankness and truth - "If your brother sins against you, go, and rebuke him between you and him alone; if I have heard thee, thou hast gained thy brother; But if he does not hear you, take with you one or two, so that through the mouth of two or three witnesses the whole word may be confirmed. And if you do not listen to them, tell the church; and if he does not listen to the church, consider him a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18. 15-17)
You should never take one side of a story and accept it as fact without checking it with the other party. There are always two sides to a story. The scriptures address this same problem, that before we believe a rumor, we must investigate carefully, to verify all the facts. "... Then you must ask, seek and question earnestly ... whether it is really true and certain that such an abomination has been committed among you..." (Deuteronomy 13.14).
No doubt it is not possible to have a relationship with a group of people without any misunderstandings and occasional offenses. And unless you commit to confront these issues in the manner described by Jesus, you will be injured in the church.
Be dedicated to love and forgiveness - "He that loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no scandal." (1John 2.10)
Christians will avoid many problems if they only commit to unconditional love for their brothers. The practice of loving the brothers - all the brothers, not just the kind - prevents us from stumbling. Never forget that Jesus rejoices in prayers for our brethren in Christ. Do not accuse your brother of being a stumbling block. Just do not stumble into it! When we love even the "least" of our brethren, Jesus accepts this love for himself (Matthew 25.40). You cannot love the Lord more than you love the least of the little ones in the body of Christ. "If anyone says, I love God and hate his brother, he is a liar; for he that loves not whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?"(1John 4.20)
Be quick to forgive and not hold a grudge. Lack of forgiveness and bitterness is one of the biggest reasons people get hurt in church and probably the biggest cause of apostasy. Remember that unforgiveness is one of your greatest enemies. If you refuse to forgive, it will result in God not forgiving your sins and means that you have never been chosen by God! "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, your Father will not forgive your trespasses. "(Matthew 6.14-15)
One of the great characteristics of the body of Christ is to take care of the burdens and sufferings of the other. However, as we seek to comfort and encourage friends who have been offended, we may be tempted to take their offense against another person. In solidarity, we tend to take their part against the pastor, the church, or whomever one blames as the offense. This is very foolish and unscriptural thing to do, considering that your friend may be the cause of your own offense. Your hurt feelings may be due to a misunderstanding, a difference of opinion, your own rebellious attitude, emotional instability - or it can be childish and immature. There are always two sides to a story, do not develop an opinion based on just one side or without all the facts.
Do not let yourself be enveloped by the offenses of others - "Lord, who shall dwell in thy tabernacle, which shall dwell in thy Holy Mountain, who walks honestly, and does righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart., nor do evil with his tongue to his neighbor, nor accepts any reproach against his neighbor "(Psalms 15.1-3)
Sometimes offended people seek the sympathy of naive listeners. It is true what is said that pain loves solidarity! They will defend your case by shedding your bloody heart of injustice. Their purpose is to seek out people who will help them, support their opinion and defend their offense against the other party. You should love and encourage a friend with hurt feelings, but reserve your opinion for yourself and bring your concern to God in prayer. Avoid taking sides to not be a participant in the sins of other men, or you also take offense and hurt the church.
Feelings of personal focus of a sermon may occur if people are (1) under conviction on a specific subject, (2) especially self-conscious, (3) under emotional distress, (4) if they spend a lot of time counseling with the pastor, or (5) whether he has already corrected them or hurt their feelings in any way. Have in mind; from the pulpit, a preacher does not focus his attention on only one person. His concern is with the wide range of people present.
Do not personalize everything that is preached - Obviously, every pastor preaches in the hope that everyone will take the message personally and apply it to his or her own lives. "If the shoe fits, wear it." However, there are always some who think the minister is pointing out his sermon specifically for them. This is a common misunderstanding, which causes people to get hurt.
Occasionally, people think the pastor focuses on them, just as they focus on him. When a pastor stands in front of a congregation week after week, he develops a sense of intimate friendship with his listeners - they get to know the personal details of his life, his family, and other characteristics. However, even if the shepherd knows every person in his flock, it is not really possible for him to focus on each one with the same detail. It's easy for dozens of people to know you well, but it's not realistic that he knows dozens of people in the same way. Consequently, some develop the illusion that the pastor focuses on them when he preaches - that he remembers his personal details in the same way that they remember the pastor's details. But the pastor has many other people to consider. He holds counseling sessions with dozens of people, hears dozens of problems and similar details. He is not likely to separate someone and preach to them as he tries to minister to the whole congregation. If there is something specific that the pastor needs to say only to you, he will personally deliver it in private - not in subtle hints of his sermon. This is also true of what he writes. It's not about you, but it's all about you! Again, if the she fits, wear it!
Moreover, it is the work of the Holy Spirit to customize the Word of God for us, so that we may examine ourselves and seek our own hearts. When the Lord is dealing with us in His Word, it may seem that the pastor is speaking directly to us. Sometimes the Holy Spirit can even guide the preacher to unconsciously say things that may belong to us. The best attitude to have is to listen to each message objectively. In every Bible sermon, God has something to say to all of us. Be open to whatever the Lord says, willing to accept your correction or guidance. Defensiveness is usually a sign of resistance to conviction.
My prayer is for these principles to help you and encourage you in your relationship with the church. If you have been injured or simply walked away, I ask you to find the grace of God to forgive those who may have hurt you and return to the fellowship of God's people. As challenging as it sometimes seems, the church is Christ's plan for his people, and that's where he will develop and mature you into a fully equipped disciple of his kingdom.
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