Of Fibs and truths in friends and friendship

... For Demas, having loved the present world, forsook me and went to Thessalonica; Crescent went to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia - 2 Timothy 4.10

Years ago, Nenāo had just gotten married and came to visit. While we went out for to run some errands, as he was driving his little red Fiesta from the countryside to the city, he put on a song that really caught my attention. The blues in the form of a sacred advice, tells the listener to make a list of great friends. Who did you most see ten years ago? How many do you still see every day? How many could you still find? Make a list of the dreams you had: how many of them did you give up? How many friends have you vowed? How many have you managed to preserve? Where do you still recognize yourself: In the last photo or now in the mirror? Is it as you thought it would be today? How many friends did you throw away? How many mysteries were you looking into? How many could you understand? How many secrets have you kept: today they are silly, nobody wants to know. How many lies did you condemn? How many did you have to tell? How many defects healed over time: They were the best in you. How many songs did not you sing? Today you whistle to survive. How many people did you love? Now, they think they love you.

I felt it. What was my cousin trying to tell me? Almost 15 years later, when I hear the same old song, I feel regret for the people who came into my life and left me alone.

Today, leaving people is like a game where everyone participates to some extent. We do this constantly, even the most gentle among us - we leave people. We leave our partners. We leave the comrades inside out as we head to court with a mixture of guilt, shame, pride, trouble and expectation. We left our neighbors as we moved into another area, with weak promises to keep up. We lost our friends in late spring when we went on to other summers. We leave some companions, since we can not take any more and say goodbye to different friends, because you can not be attentive to everyone. People are leaving. They will leave us and expose us (even if only to ourselves). The promises of love and faithfulness will mean nothing; if we become so self-absolved and great that there is no room for the "other" in our life.

Too much "ego" will leave you alone. Leaving people behind because of your ego will kill your talent. Attacks on the ego are faced with defense mechanisms, often with anger. People react with anger, withdrawal, anxiety, sadness, etc. The wounds of the ego can lead to a loss of self-esteem. Someone will probably regret or strongly mourn the blow of the ego as it is painful. It's a strange disease. It makes everyone sick, except the person who has it.
It's not always about us. Sometimes it's about them when they leave, and what they need to get more out of life and more for their personal happiness and well-being. We are not the center of the universe for anyone's life, not even ours!

We all want different things in our lives, no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we give ourselves. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or does not fade, and they feel they can not fulfill that passion or desire they have while they are with you, then they must finally leave or live resentful with you.

Is this what you really want for yourself or for them? Do you see now why you need to leave people who have chosen to leave your life?

Do not abandon your friend or friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; the neighbor is closest to a distant brother. Proverbs 27.10

We must maintain the bonds of friendship as dear and obligate, even beyond the generations. Friends should not be abandoned. A well-experienced and old friend is invaluable. We should never forget or neglect a person who has been your friend or family. Solomon exemplified his own domain by cultivating friendly ties with Hiram, the friend of his father (1 Kings 5.1-10). The contempt devoid of this rule cost the foolish son of Solomon his kingdom (1 Kings 12: 6-19). We should not assume that our brother by birth is the best to help on the day of calamity, especially if the brother is away. Better is a smaller feature that is close by than a better feature that is far away.

A friend had a quotation written on the wall of his room: "A stranger is just a friend you have not yet met." And I always loved that quote and my friend too, for writing that on his wall. You see, the problem is the basis of making a friend that leaves us confused. We mistakenly commit our friendship to what is good for us at the time. The problem is that sometimes strangers are the Boogey Man, the embodiment of evil, and they are, in fact, our enemies! And we try and try to make new friends. Sometimes it can be a new career, something in common with a person we know, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it themselves and not have to commit to a period of time or be with a person. This really is about them and not about you; so let them go so they can fulfill their desire. Go find something that incites you and inspires you in the same way. Be a friend because God wants you to have fellowship with people.

Self-Obsession: These people take advantage of you and then leave you in the middle of nowhere. Self-obsessed people are very strange. They only think for themselves. They will do anything to defend their self-image. They are great liars. They fight with empathy and they do not care. They are not the most thoughtful people. When they're done with you, they'll leave you.

Some relationships are toxic. Can I put it more simply than that? It will be harmful to a person (you), even if you are prepared to stay there, continue to wait for things to change, or it will be harmful to the other person. They realize this and leave.

Or was their relationship harmful to both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place for anyone. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship. Do not wait for them to change and stop giving excuses. That does not change anything. Let them go.

On the other hand, if you have been accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then let them go and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help solving any problem you are experiencing.

The problem of society: People leave others because they do not find the other person attractive. Nowadays people want to be with those who are popular. What others will think about is the root cause. Leaving people because what others will think will or will not have a good impact on your life shows how selfish the other person is. But nowadays people do not really care about the feelings of others.

Some people will do whatever they want whenever they want. They will not give you a second thought. Call them whatever name you want, but I doubt they matter. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have no interest in changing. After all, they think they are perfect, so why suffer from someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self-importance blinded them to their pain and suffering. Did you ever expect them to come home, they ignored or despised you, forgot your birthday, to get you out of there? Your relationship was very one-sided and all about them and they decided to leave you to someone else without thinking a little of your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you've had a breakout of luck. Count your blessings. Not a loss!

Lack of Sense: Open-minded people always believe that there are multiple perspectives in any situation. That said, there is a recurring scenario where common sense is lacking and needs to be addressed. These people do not use their sense and hurt the feelings of other people without any cause.

They are totally insane. Maybe you sent them away. You changed? Did something happen? Have you missed the signs or alarms? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can respond to this, or if you find it very difficult, trust someone whose opinion you respect, but you may not always like it! You deserve an honest answer before you can make amends and get some closure.

Lack of Education: Education is a dynamic process involving individuals, groups and the society in which they live. It is a process that is shaped by the past and at the same time must be continually refined to face challenges that can not be avoided in the future. But people who have no education are not well civilized. There is a misunderstanding and they leave people forever.

Sometimes you just have to admit it was just you trying to make things work. Maybe they found what they were looking for somewhere else and you no longer met their expectations. You were over your requirements; they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and difficult to face, but is it possible that this has happened? Sometimes we strive so hard to meet everyone's expectations, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to fit into the lives, interests and hobbies of other people, but there is no guarantee that they would stay. Perhaps they are so fickle that they continue to float among people, not sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Jealousy: Jealousy itself is a killer. People may have different reasons in different cultures for being jealous. Jealousy is a universal emotion. It damages the mind of yours or another. It is one of those demons that seem to take everything when it is felt and yet we leave others behind. Instead of getting jealous, you should focus first on yourself.

Sometimes giving up someone is kinder than holding them down. Yes, sometimes letting someone else go is the nicest thing to do. You are now free to do the things you always wanted to do. Are you no longer prevented from doing something you are putting off or feeling unable to do before that?

Alternatively, maybe that's why someone left. Because he felt trapped and stagnant in one aspect of his life, that made them very unhappy, so unhappy that they had to do something. That something was coming out of you, no matter how difficult it was for one or both.

Tired and Exhausted: People really do not understand the impact they leave on the lives of others. People get frustrated and leave others in the middle of nowhere. Other people think all their lives and what they have done wrong. They continue to mourn all their lives. It becomes frustrating and people feel guilty.

You have become very dependent. You got lost along the way and became very dependent and longed to be with them and have them around you and they recognized it and felt trapped, suffocated and desired! If you were less independent since you were together, did you have higher expectations of the other person? Did they see you as needy, sticky, vulnerable and maybe a little picky?

Not Finding More Interest: Sometimes people get tired of each other. They become depressed and therefore insult others. They lack confidence and self-acceptance. Instead of feeling bad about yourself, asking yourself what you can do to get things right and start acting accordingly, people misbehave and abandon you.

Together you no longer work. You constantly argued and built resentment and hostility built. You did not want to acknowledge this or continue to think it would look better, but the other person decided to leave first, but it's still hard to let go.

Trust simply disappeared. It is very difficult to go back in time and if a significant trust has been broken by either party. Being in a relationship will become unsustainable when a person has had enough and will no longer work in the relationship. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let it go, learn and rebuild. Take what's best in the relationship so you do not become cynical, but also learn from what went wrong.

Self-centered: Leaving people behind is the most frequent street in life. Sometimes we leave people because of our ego. We floated away from them, not calling. This luck erases our guilt and makes us look kind. From time to time there is a conscious choice to take someone out of our lives.

Why is it so much easier to leave the people we choose to leave, but we find it much harder to leave the people who chose to leave our lives? It could be something to do with the fact that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Let's split things up a bit and look at the reasons why we need to leave people, and secondly, why people chose to leave our lives in the first place.

Their relationship meant control. Let's face it; this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible that the other person was controlling you or you were trying to control them? Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of whom left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward, none of the people would be happy.


All of the factors mentioned above can be like spokes of a wheel. Part of a relationship mechanism that exists can be effectively harmful or not. They are just there. In a relationship without Christ as the axis, these spokes become axis and make the SNAFU’ s of each and every relationship. (SITUATION NORMAL, ALL FOWLED UP)

However, for the mind of Christ to work in us and to be able to change all situations, we have to understand the reality, and the events and people who traveled through our door (HELLO THERE Willie Nelson) as if they were part of God's plan for make us look to God as our only true friend. And he has promised us by his name, by his person and by his spirit that he will never leave us, he will never abandon any of his children, even when it seems that each one left you.

To break away from this mechanism of making friends, I unexpectedly discovered these lonely years, a thank you for the lonely road I was given to travel. For with this came a greater understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to know him not only as my Savior but my comfort, sustenance, hope and strength. I believe that until our worldly comforts are divested, we can begin to experience the true depth, duration, and height of their love for us.

Although I am grateful for what God is doing to me through trial, the enemy has worked hard to take advantage of my solitude whenever he can. However, despite his attacks and lies, Christ has used what the enemy intends to do harm and is showing me how this path of solitude is not out of his perfect will and plan for me.

Let's take some of the lies we are tempted to believe in times of loneliness.

I'm alone…
The lie: "Loneliness means that I am alone."

The truth: "Solitude draws the external comfort from those around me, leading me to find solace in Christ alone."


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all consolation, who comforts us in our affliction ... (2Corinthians 1: 3)

Yes, there are times when God allows us to feel alone in terms of the world around us. However, despite our extreme aversion to loneliness, God's grace allows us, for a period, to take us deeper into his Word and prayer, in search of a full and hopeful and living unity with him. Christ knows that we can not find true and lasting consolation in anyone but himself, since he is the only one who is the God of all comfort.

Removing the earthly comfort of those around us, the Lord moves us in one of two directions: toward a deeper intimacy with our Savior, or towards the unveiling of an unrepentant heart, which ultimately desires more comfort than Christ.

Brother or sister in Christ, if you feel alone in your suffering, thank God for loving him enough to allow that time in your life to bring him closer to him. He does not do this out of harshness, but out of a desire to increase his faith and provide for you that which only he can give. The secret is: look at the cross and now look around. You will see that when he was alone, Jesus made those around him his companions, because he was focused on true friendships. Look at your wife, your church, your children. They are there because of a covenant based on fellowship with the Cross.

Nobody understands…
The lie: "I am the only one who suffered thus, and no one will ever be able to understand my pain."

The truth: "Christ will not ask me to suffer anything that he himself has not yet suffered, and many who were before me endured similar or more difficult ways than I to bring me the comfort they received in Christ."

One of the reasons why the temptation arises is because we often do not know much about people or people, if there are, in our immediate circle of friends, relatives or even acquaintances who have been called upon to bear the specific burden that has been ours given load.

Even if we do indeed know someone else who can relate to our pain, different temperaments and levels of maturity in our faith provide unique experiences and responses within the same general judgment. So, although the reality is that others may have experienced a similar form of suffering, in our eyes, no one can fully understand our pain.

If the enemy can make us believe that there really is no one who can understand, it will tempt us to exclude others, even those whom God has provided for us as support and encouragement. The danger of this isolation is that it will drive us away from the people around us with the truth when we need it most, sending us to bitterness, depression, harshness, repentance and, ultimately, uselessness in the kingdom of God.

Therefore, we must remember this truth:

As we abundantly share in the sufferings of Christ, we also share abundantly in comfort through Christ. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort that you experience when you endure patiently the same sufferings that we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1: 5-6)

Jesus Christ is the only one who can enter into our pain completely and completely. Only he knows our hearts, temperaments, insecurities, fears, emotions and desires, and even more: our sins.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there is no truth in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we do not sin, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1: 8-10

Therefore, we struggle against the temptation to withdraw, first realizing that only Christ can fill the deep holes left by the regrets of life. When we realize that only Christ can bring us true and eternal comfort, we free people from having to meet our expectations. And when we free people to meet our expectations, our eyes open to the gift of the body of Christ and their provision of comfort given through their people.

Our Savior does not comfort us by clapping at a distance. Instead, it comforts us with the assurance of our salvation, the power of the Holy Spirit and the body of Christ, giving us strength, courage and daring.

God must not be loving...
The Lie: "A loving God would not make me take such a painful path. If you really love me, it will always provide support, encouragement, and understanding to those around me. "

The truth: "A loving God sent his own Son on the loneliest road that man knew, so that I would never have to go any way alone."

Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners so that you would not tire or despair. (Hebrews 12: 3)

Besides the grace of Jesus Christ, none of our sufferings in this life would have any purpose, value or hope. But because of the gospel, yes! So, instead of seeing these seasons of loneliness as our enemy and something to be avoided at all costs, we can see it as a privilege and a call to walk the lonely road of Calvary with our Savior. It allows us to experience glimpses of the path he has traveled so that we may also experience the great comfort and reward that will be ours for eternity in him.

I do not have enough faith...
The lie: "If I feel alone, I must not have enough faith."

The truth: "Holding firm to Jesus, despite his solitude, proclaim to those around me that it is worth the lonely road I run. It is a beautiful and glorifying image of faith in Christ in my Savior, who traveled the lonely and painful path to Calvary for my salvation, hope and comfort. It is an honor and a privilege to be called to walk in his footsteps because he assures me that I am a child of God. "


Behold, the hour cometh, and cometh near, wherein ye shall be scattered every one to his part, and leave me alone; but I am not alone, because the Father is with me. I have told you this, that in me ye may have peace; in the world ye shall have afflictions, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. John 16.32,33

The loving hand of God orders even the loneliness we experience in these painful ways. Although we feel alone, we are never truly abandoned. He allows these stations to produce in their children endurance, strength, unwavering faith, and uniqueness to the gospel. Solitude reminds us that this world is not our home, that we have been commissioned to spread the gospel in the place and time set for us.

Loneliness is not hopelessness and does not defeat us, but it enables us to know more of Christ and make him known to those around us.

My suggestion, my answer to the challenge of making a list of all my friends and all my thoughts, is to make a list of all the people God put into your life, and how and why, in reality, you can actually say why they are apparently gone. Sing on your list, in the hopes of Zion and the New Jerusalem, when we will meet with all our friends in Jesus, those who have offended us, and those we offend. Make a list of the truths you have forgotten, and the lies you have begun to believe and disclose. Seek shelter and fellowship with those around you. Find company in the now, find joy in hope brought by the future.

Believer, I am well aware that there are some extremely painful roads. I have recently felt the absence and the distance of many who have been part of my journey. I keep remembering when on the road next to Nenão, and in the list that I do today, he is far away, is closer today because we have the centrality of Jesus as the axis of our relationship. And so with many others! Yesterday, a friend of more than 30 years without seeing, called me, and I thanked God for it! I want to cultivate this axis. and thus, any adverse situations in the friendships, may be trusted in the power of the knowledge of God.

CAUTION, CHURCH AHEAD!

Twenty years ago (December 1998), Márcia and I made our way to the most wonderful honeymoon we've ever had (our only one). We were traveling from Brasilia to Porto Seguro, in Bahia, Brazil. On the way, through dangerous hills and steep curves, as we ventured into the sea, we had our first experience of fear together in the Atlantic rain forest; When the high road turned into low roads, between screams and scares, we laughed at the signs and posts we saw on the way. The first one was normal: "Watch out, danger ahead". Okay, this post is known, it was okay, I supposed. But they kept appearing on the road, something to be taken more seriously (and laughable at the same time).
The next signs warned: "Defects on the track" and "Driver, do not be deceived, this road is very dangerous." - And then: "Attention - Wet Tracks– Use headlights and keep your distance." The laughter started, and I was already worried about the signs of accidents already etched on the bumpy asphalt. "Holes on the road - The next one: "Check the brakes for God's sake!" And one that made us think a bit more ... "Animals on the way - idiots on the wheel - REALLY”. - Worse than that! "For safe passage: only if you are sure that another car isn’t coming" and even more an insult: " Do not drive like an animal, the critters thank you!" and also "For God's sake - Do not run, do not kill, do not die! "If you drink, go to sleep, don’t go driving." If you did not appeal to God, some Bahiano must have suggested the next post, which read: "THE DEVIL TEMPTS - THE KNIFE COMES: When driving in the rain, please do not invent" - - And finally: "Respect the signs, you are the ones to get there".

Those signs really were there. I do not know if they were part of any campaign to steer drivers in a safer direction or if the traffic engineer had the feeling of making those warnings very frank. In fact, I eased my foot off the pedal and paid close attention to the signs and what they alerted me to. We arrived safely to our destination, and we lived to tell this story about the way there, twenty years later (and we lived happily ever after…).

Twenty years as an ordained minister of the Word and the Sacraments, I sometimes think I should have signs for the ministry that they say CAUTION, CHURCH AHEAD!, that is the reason for the title of this article. The title of this essay may seem rather unusual. After all, we would assume that the church was a safe place, right? However, unfortunately, the church has been at times a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a large percentage of people who stop attending church do so because of some kind of offense or prejudice to the accidental feelings that happened there. Sometimes this is because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are to blame for being too sensitive or, for some spiritual handicap, susceptible to misunderstanding.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences occur because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve, and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren, as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1. 7)

Whatever you do, don’t give up on the church. That, being engaged to Christ, it is the only agency of the heavens on earth. God requires you to be faithful to Him and be accountable to your spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10.25, 13.17). On the trip to our honeymoon, giving up was never an option. Márcia and I were sure that our first time together would be worth every fright or obstacle. If you were injured in the church, you shouldn’t run away - but equip yourself with the protection of the Word of God. You may not be able to prevent offensive things from happening, but by applying the principles of God you can prevent them from hurting you. "(Psalm 119. 165) There is much peace in those who love your law, and there is no stumbling block to them. Just as Márcia and I read the warnings on the way to our honeymoon, there are warning signs that Christians should read as they enter the local, visible church, which is the vehicle the elect must follow on the only way, truth and life, that is Christ: and no man comes unto the Father, but by him: (Jesus said unto him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no man comes unto the Father, but by me.

Perhaps if someone read the following signs of warnings and ordinances along the way, he could experience true happiness and fulfillment of God's promises.

"Defects on the track"
The definition of disappointment is "failure to meet a person's expectations". Do not expect things from the church or pastor that they cannot keep, or the Bible does not teach. Many expectations have to do with preconceived "traditions" that we come to be associated with a church, perhaps another fellowship that we attend or grow, etc. It is a good idea to meet the pastor and ask what you can expect from your ministry and church. You cannot expect the safety of an interstate or a federal highway confined on a small side road.

Avoid developing unrealistic expectations of the church- "O my soul, wait only on God, for my hope is from him." (Psalm 62. 5)

Occasionally, people are disappointed when they discover that their church cannot meet all their earthly needs. Most pastors and churches try to help people in every possible way - especially those in need during crises and emergencies. But some people expect the church to meet all of their material needs or pay their bills as the early church did. Unfortunately, this is simply not possible unless all agree to sell all their property and possessions and deliver them to the church as the first believers (Acts 4. 34-35). Most churches would be blessed if everyone simply gave their tithes. However, statistics show that only a small percentage of churchgoers give full tithe regularly.

Nor is it realistic to expect the pastor to spend all his time with you, to participate in all social functions or to show him constant attention. Instead, learn to put your expectations in God - He will always be faithful to His promises in His Word, and will never disappoint you.

"Driver, do not be deceived, this road is very dangerous"
Realizing that any human being can fail, the degree of trust we place on people should be limited and will depend on their background. "Thus said the Lord, Cursed be the man that trusts in man, and makes flesh his arm, and turns away his heart from the Lord." (Jeremiah 17. 5) Often we look at the first part of this verse, and forget the we must not put our trust in people, And yet, we can not fail to trust in God. One of the things we trust in the Lord is that he surrounds us with people who are transformed by his Spirit, the more we know the character of a person and the history of his behavior, we can determine how reliable he is. This is one of the reasons the Scriptures tell us to meet our pastors and spiritual leaders - so from their godly lifestyle we can rely on their leadership. " And we beseech you, brethren, to acknowledge them that labor among you, and who stand before you in the Lord, and admonish you "(1 Thessalonians 5.12)

Don't place your absolute trust on people - Wake up to the fact that everyone is human and will fail you at some time or another. Even the pastor will make mistakes. The only one on whom you can rely entirely, without fail, is God.

There is a difference between "love" and "trust." It is possible to love and forgive someone without placing an absolute trust in them. To illustrate this, let's say there is a school bus driver with drinking issues. One day, while carrying a load of children, he becomes intoxicated, destroys the bus, and kills them all. As the sole survivor of the accident, he turns to the church to seek God's forgiveness for this horrible act of irresponsibility. If he repents of his sin, will God forgive him? Absolutely. Should the church love and forgive this person? Of course! What if he volunteered to drive the church bus for us? Do we trust him? No way! It would be unthinkable to put a person in the driver's seat who has shown recent negligence. We certainly love him and forgive him, but because of this man's weak history, we cannot risk the lives of our passengers. During a long period of sobriety and safe driving, this person can prove that he is again trustworthy. Especially, if the road is so difficult, dangerous and tortuous, like the road to the honeymoon.

Remember that love and forgiveness are granted unconditionally, but trust must be "won". Trust is gained in the actions of a person. Surely we can and should trust people who demonstrate a trustworthy behavior, but as all men have the potential to fail, we should never place an infallible sense of trust in anyone except God.

"Attention - Wet Tracks - Use Headlights and Keep your Distance"
The Bible teaches that all Christians must "speak the same thing" so that there is unity in the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 1.10). The only possibility of such a union is when Christians focus on the common ground that is Christ and His Word. That is, we need to "say what the Word says", let the Word speak for itself and not try to promote diverse opinions about it (the track is wet, raise the headlights!). In the scriptures we see that Paul instructed Timothy to "preach the Word," not his opinions (2 Timothy 4. 2). A preacher must be a deliverer of God's message, not a commentator. This is the work of the Holy Spirit (1 John 2.27).

In the past, news media were obliged to abide by a very strict code of ethics. They should report the facts of the news accurately, without adding their opinion or comment. However, over time, the story has become less factual and more opinionated - corrupted by rumors and gossip, rather than real information. Reporters have evolved into commentators, who manipulate what people think about the news. Like reporters, preachers need to fix the facts on what the Bible says, and what Scripture demands.

Concentrate on the common ground- "But I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye should all speak the same thing, and that there be no dissension among you; but be united in one mind and in one mind. "(1 Corinthians 1.10)

Avoid becoming highly opinionated. Opinions are the interpretations and ideas of men, which, if pressed constantly on other people, can cause division or promote debates and sinful disputes (Romans 1.29). People with opinions tend to get hurt when others disagree with them.

Of course, every believer has his own convictions about many things, but if you continually try to push your thoughts down the throat, the conflict will eventually arise. Avoid controversy over passages that may seem vague and encourage many interpretations - Remember, Bible interprets the Bible. We have a free examination of the scriptures, but neither the church nor the shepherds (much less the Pope) nor anyone else has the right to say, "As I see it." This bravado should be a warning sign to keep the distance from who says it. Stand firm in those common basic truths - Jesus, his life, death and resurrection - and do not add to what the Word of God says. "The whole Word of God is pure; a shield is for those who trust in him. Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and be found a liar. "(Proverbs 30. 5-6)

"Holes in the road – FOR REAL"
It is noteworthy to consider that the apostle Paul openly confessed that he was not perfect. Like us, he experienced struggles in his flesh to do the right things. If one of the leading writers and apostles of the early church admitted this, it should not seem too strange if we find other brothers and sisters in the church struggling with imperfections as well.

Since churches are made up of people like you and me who have imperfections, there will never be a perfect church (that's why we call it a militant Church, not a Triumphant Church). Unless people understand this, they will have an unrealistic view of the church and will eventually become disillusioned and hurt.

Do not expect any church to be perfect - "For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, there dwells no good thing: and the will is in me, but I can not do good. I want, but the evil that I do not want this I do. "(Romans 7.18, 19)

One of the church's ministry jobs is to help perfect the saints - as a spiritual hospital where people go to improve. Instead of resenting people in the church for their failures, be thankful that you are trying to grow in Christ to improve. Not just learning HOW to love, but learning to love and accept people for who they are - they are no more perfect than you.

As it has been said of beauty, imperfection is in the eyes of the beholder. A person with a negative attitude can find fault wherever he wants. In contrast, the person with a positive outlook can always find good and beauty in things. The well-adjusted person in the church should look for good and encouraging things, as the Bible teaches (Philippians 4.8). Those who live on the negative or continually encounter failures in the church will end up hurting themselves.

"Check the Brakes For God's sake!"
Have a humble and gentle attitude like Christ (Matthew 11.29, Romans 12. 3). Besides being unpleasant, pride and arrogance will prepare you for a fall (Proverbs 16.18). Do not promote yourself, campaign or strive to get a nominated or elected position. God is the one who puts people in such positions, and, unless he does, stay away from that competition. Lift up the Lord in everything he says and speaks. Do not gossip or talk about yourself. "He who speaks of himself seeks his own glory; but he that seeks the glory of him that sent him, the same is true, and in him is no unrighteousness. "(John 7.18)

Do not seek to promote yourself or your own agenda - "Do not lift up your haughty brow or speak with a stiff neck. For from the east, and from the west, and from the wilderness, there is no exaltation. (Psalm 75.5,6)

Avoid the trap of assuming that your opinions are always divinely inspired or undisputed. Share your suggestions and ideas with church leaders, but do not press your opinions or personal agenda. Sometimes people feel that all their ideas come from God. They may try to add force to their suggestions or complaints by saying "God told me so." In fact, God speaks to his children, but you will not be the sole source by which God reveals Himself in a matter. If your opinions really come from God, the Bible says others will testify to this, especially their pastors and leaders (2 Corinthians 13.1, 1 Corinthians 14.29). (You will not even have to call on God's name - they can tell you if your ideas came from him.) Be careful, so you will not find yourself using his name falsely, a very dangerous thing - Exodus 20. 7). Ministers and pastors are representatives in an orderly chain of command, and if they want to bring something to a church, they will testify with those responsible.

"Animals on the track - Idiots on the steering wheel – FOR REAL"
When you go to church, you should try to disassociate it from the other personal problems you deal with. Most hurt feelings in a church result from wounds and sensibilities that people carry with them. This kind of emotional distress can create "distorted perceptions" that may prevent you from seeing reality in the same way as others. Things such as low self-esteem, child abuse, marital problems, personal grievances, family conflicts, a root of bitterness, health problems, or job dissatisfaction can distort your interpretation of words and actions. You may imagine that people do not like you (paranoia) or misinterpret well-meaning words as if they were an offense.

Avoid blaming the church for personal problems- "Thou shalt keep in peace him whose mind is steadfast in thee; because he trusts in you. "(Isaiah 26.3)

Trivial problems will seem like big problems. The guilt for unhappiness can be transferred to the church, its leaders or specific people. You can attack others or be quick to find fault in the church. Remember this: do not jump to conclusions about anything, because things are usually not as bad as they seem.

"For safe passage: only if you are sure that another car isn’t coming"
Many injuries can be avoided if we realize that people often respond to how we treat them. Take a close look at the way you say things, or even how much you talk. "For out of much concern do dreams come, and the voice of the foolish of the multitude of words." (Ecclesiastes 5: 3). Do not be rude and impolite. Check your attitude so you're not arrogant and overbearing - people will be turned off and will try to avoid you. There are people who say: I'm just honest! "So I answer," Be honest, but do not be uneducated "

Treat others as you wish to be treated - "Therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do to them also, for this is the law and the prophets." (Matthew 7.12)

Humans tend to be "reciprocal" creatures. That is, they reflect the way they are treated. That's why Jesus gave us the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The way most people interact with you is a direct result of how you interact with them. If you have a frown on your face, you will not get many smiles. If you offer sympathy, it will usually be offered back (Proverbs 18.24). Be gracious, encouraging and a blessing to others. If you have a negative and critical attitude towards people, it will tend to be critical of you. "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; do not condemn and you will not be condemned; let loose, and they will let you go. "(Luke 6.37)

"Do not drive like an animal, the critters thank you!"
The lack of proper respect for authority is a common problem nowadays. People do not want to hear about what to do or be corrected if they are wrong. This is one of the reasons why the modern church is producing so many immature believers. When some people hear something they do not like, or are corrected in some way, they just pack up and go to another church, or they jump from church to church until they find one that says things they like to hear. "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but in their ears they will heap up to themselves teachers according to their own lusts "(2 Timothy 4. 3)

Have a receptive and cooperative attitude - "Obey your shepherds and submit yourselves to them; because they watch over your souls, as those who will give account of them; that they may do it with joy and not with groaning, because it would not profit you "(Hebrews 13.17).

The Bible teaches believers to be cooperative and submissive to their spiritual leaders - something that is not possible, unless the believer is committed to a church and accountable to a local pastor. The responsibility to a godly pastor is part of God's order for the spiritual growth of every Christian. The Word of God gives the pastor authority to organize and maintain church order, and to teach the truth of God, to correct and discipline as necessary to keep his flock accountable to biblical principles. In Paul's encouragement to the ministers, he declared: "That you preach the word, urge in season and out of season, reprehend, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. (2Timothy 4.2). (See also 2Timothy 3.16, Titus 2.15, 1Timothy 5.20.)

As long as you are part of any particular church, you must accept that the pastor and leaders are in charge. Regardless of how disqualified you may think them to be, God recognizes them as the authority in that body and will hold you accountable for that burden. Consequently, God burdens you for respecting their authority, praying for them, and cooperating - not being rebellious and disobedient.

Be always cooperative, willing to humiliate yourself. If you have a rigid and inflexible attitude in the church, you will probably get hurt.

"For God's sake, do not run, do not kill and do not die!"
Do not speak evil of anyone! Once, when Paul was punished for preaching the gospel, he unknowingly condemned Ananias, the high priest, who had commanded the apostle to receive the scourges. However, when Paul realized who he was, he apologized for speaking against Ananias, knowing that it is forbidden to speak against the representative of God - despite the fact that Paul's treatment for Ananias was wrong (Acts 23.5). It is a serious matter to "touch" the anointed ones of God - be it with our words or our actions. Although today we no longer have the figure of the anointed as the priestly figure, for the HIGH PRIEST has received the title of the anointed. The Old Testament principle of respect for leaders remains in force. Imperfect as they may be, they are their representatives. "He did not allow anyone to do them wrong; Yea, he rebuked the kings for their sake, saying, "He did not allow anyone to oppress them, and rebuked kings for their sake, saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do not afflict my prophets" (Psalm 105.14,15) and still "They came out of us, but they were not of us; for if they were of us they would be with us; but this is to make it manifest that they are not all of us. And ye have the anointing of the Holy One, and ye know all things. I did not write to you because you did not know the truth, but because you know it, and because no lie comes from the truth. "(1John 2. 19-21)

Do not oppose or hinder the church - "These six things the Lord hates, and the seventh his soul abhors: Haughty eyes, lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, Heart that makes perverse thoughts, feet that rush to run to evil, the false witness who utters lies, and he who sows strife among brothers. "(Proverbs 6. 16-19)

One of the things that God least likes is one who sows discord, those that create division and conflict in the body of Christ. Do not be gossipy, itchy or quarrelsome. If you are dissatisfied with the church in any way, offer your help to make improvements, pray for it or, as a last resort, find another church that you are most happy with - but never become a source of unrest or hindrance.

If a minister did something wrong in any way, do not incriminate yourself by responding in an anti-biblical way - do not attack, retaliate with rumors against him, or run behind him. You should go and confront him in private, according to the scriptural form described in Matthew 18. 15-17. If the first and second attempts do not bring a solution, bring the matter to the spiritual body, such as the church board, council, session, presbytery or denominational superintendents to which he answers - any correction or discipline should be left to them. Keep in mind that an accusation against a minister is a serious matter and will not be accepted unless other witnesses can prove the matter. (1Timothy 5.19).

When things are not as they should be in the church or with their leadership, there are honorable ways to help promote improvements or resolve iniquities. However, it is unethical to oppose the church or to attack its leadership, and the people who do will probably end up hurt, bitter or possibly worse.

"If you drink, go to sleep, don’t go driving"
When someone offends you, Jesus says that you must first go to him or her and confront him privately. Most offenses in the church result from misunderstandings, and many could be quickly resolved if the offended parties went to the source and found out the facts. Unfortunately, some offended people only absorb the offense silently, as they become bitter and resentful. It is important, and a matter of obedience to his Word, that such matters be confronted, so that (1) you do not become bitter and withdraw from the church, (2) that the offender is blamed and does not repeat their offenses, which could harm the faith of others, and (3) that the perpetrator of sin could be reconciled to God. If they do not cooperate with your first private effort, you should try a second time, taking witnesses with you. Finally, if it does not succeed, turn it over to the leadership of the church.

Be committed to frankness and truth - "If your brother sins against you, go, and rebuke him between you and him alone; if I have heard thee, thou hast gained thy brother; But if he does not hear you, take with you one or two, so that through the mouth of two or three witnesses the whole word may be confirmed. And if you do not listen to them, tell the church; and if he does not listen to the church, consider him a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18. 15-17)

You should never take one side of a story and accept it as fact without checking it with the other party. There are always two sides to a story. The scriptures address this same problem, that before we believe a rumor, we must investigate carefully, to verify all the facts. "... Then you must ask, seek and question earnestly ... whether it is really true and certain that such an abomination has been committed among you..." (Deuteronomy 13.14).

No doubt it is not possible to have a relationship with a group of people without any misunderstandings and occasional offenses. And unless you commit to confront these issues in the manner described by Jesus, you will be injured in the church.

Be dedicated to love and forgiveness - "He that loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no scandal." (1John 2.10)

Christians will avoid many problems if they only commit to unconditional love for their brothers. The practice of loving the brothers - all the brothers, not just the kind - prevents us from stumbling. Never forget that Jesus rejoices in prayers for our brethren in Christ. Do not accuse your brother of being a stumbling block. Just do not stumble into it! When we love even the "least" of our brethren, Jesus accepts this love for himself (Matthew 25.40). You cannot love the Lord more than you love the least of the little ones in the body of Christ. "If anyone says, I love God and hate his brother, he is a liar; for he that loves not whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?"(1John 4.20)

Be quick to forgive and not hold a grudge. Lack of forgiveness and bitterness is one of the biggest reasons people get hurt in church and probably the biggest cause of apostasy. Remember that unforgiveness is one of your greatest enemies. If you refuse to forgive, it will result in God not forgiving your sins and means that you have never been chosen by God! "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, your Father will not forgive your trespasses. "(Matthew 6.14-15)

" THE DEVIL TEMPTS - THE KNIFE COMES: When driving in the rain, please do not invent "
One of the great characteristics of the body of Christ is to take care of the burdens and sufferings of the other. However, as we seek to comfort and encourage friends who have been offended, we may be tempted to take their offense against another person. In solidarity, we tend to take their part against the pastor, the church, or whomever one blames as the offense. This is very foolish and unscriptural thing to do, considering that your friend may be the cause of your own offense. Your hurt feelings may be due to a misunderstanding, a difference of opinion, your own rebellious attitude, emotional instability - or it can be childish and immature. There are always two sides to a story, do not develop an opinion based on just one side or without all the facts.

Do not let yourself be enveloped by the offenses of others - "Lord, who shall dwell in thy tabernacle, which shall dwell in thy Holy Mountain, who walks honestly, and does righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart., nor do evil with his tongue to his neighbor, nor accepts any reproach against his neighbor "(Psalms 15.1-3)

Sometimes offended people seek the sympathy of naive listeners. It is true what is said that pain loves solidarity! They will defend your case by shedding your bloody heart of injustice. Their purpose is to seek out people who will help them, support their opinion and defend their offense against the other party. You should love and encourage a friend with hurt feelings, but reserve your opinion for yourself and bring your concern to God in prayer. Avoid taking sides to not be a participant in the sins of other men, or you also take offense and hurt the church.

“Respect the signs, you are the ones to get there".
Feelings of personal focus of a sermon may occur if people are (1) under conviction on a specific subject, (2) especially self-conscious, (3) under emotional distress, (4) if they spend a lot of time counseling with the pastor, or (5) whether he has already corrected them or hurt their feelings in any way. Have in mind; from the pulpit, a preacher does not focus his attention on only one person. His concern is with the wide range of people present.

Do not personalize everything that is preached - Obviously, every pastor preaches in the hope that everyone will take the message personally and apply it to his or her own lives. "If the shoe fits, wear it." However, there are always some who think the minister is pointing out his sermon specifically for them. This is a common misunderstanding, which causes people to get hurt.

Occasionally, people think the pastor focuses on them, just as they focus on him. When a pastor stands in front of a congregation week after week, he develops a sense of intimate friendship with his listeners - they get to know the personal details of his life, his family, and other characteristics. However, even if the shepherd knows every person in his flock, it is not really possible for him to focus on each one with the same detail. It's easy for dozens of people to know you well, but it's not realistic that he knows dozens of people in the same way. Consequently, some develop the illusion that the pastor focuses on them when he preaches - that he remembers his personal details in the same way that they remember the pastor's details. But the pastor has many other people to consider. He holds counseling sessions with dozens of people, hears dozens of problems and similar details. He is not likely to separate someone and preach to them as he tries to minister to the whole congregation. If there is something specific that the pastor needs to say only to you, he will personally deliver it in private - not in subtle hints of his sermon. This is also true of what he writes. It's not about you, but it's all about you! Again, if the she fits, wear it! 

Moreover, it is the work of the Holy Spirit to customize the Word of God for us, so that we may examine ourselves and seek our own hearts. When the Lord is dealing with us in His Word, it may seem that the pastor is speaking directly to us. Sometimes the Holy Spirit can even guide the preacher to unconsciously say things that may belong to us. The best attitude to have is to listen to each message objectively. In every Bible sermon, God has something to say to all of us. Be open to whatever the Lord says, willing to accept your correction or guidance. Defensiveness is usually a sign of resistance to conviction.

My prayer is for these principles to help you and encourage you in your relationship with the church. If you have been injured or simply walked away, I ask you to find the grace of God to forgive those who may have hurt you and return to the fellowship of God's people. As challenging as it sometimes seems, the church is Christ's plan for his people, and that's where he will develop and mature you into a fully equipped disciple of his kingdom.

HOW TO CRITICIZE AND ACCEPT CRITICISM - (CHECK YOUR OWN AND BE GODLY WHILE POINTING OUT OTHER PEOPLE’S HALITOSIS.)

Have you ever noticed that when a friend or someone close to you has bad breath and you try to offer him a mint or some candy, they never accept it? I think this is because we are never very self conscious or want to avoid an embarrassing situation.

We all go through things like the uncomfortable feeling that our breath is not so fresh. Millions of dollars are spent by many people each year on mouthwash, mints, and other devices to protect colleagues, friends, and family from an offensive breath of a jaguar (as it is said in Brazil).

Keeping the breath fresh, however, does not always depend on a trip to the personal care sector of the local store. It may require radical treatment, even a surgical intervention! Whatever the cause of halitosis, the first step is to be prepared to discover your problem before it becomes a problem for another person. As disturbing as it may be, a friendly warning should be well accepted, coming or going.

This is also true of giving and receiving criticism. Recently a great friend noted that the worst defect in someone is one that the person himself does not perceive. Andre is right. My answer was that the solution would be to develop friendships that would enable friends to inform us about our faults and, us, theirs. Always the truth in love.

When I first arrived in Japan, someone from my congregation pointed out several flaws in both my preaching and myself. The funny thing was that the man had the worst breath in the parish! Instead of retaliating or trying to defend myself as I would in the flesh, I submitted to the Word. I looked at the old Japanese man and said, "If what you say is true, would you mind praying for me?"

Before we are harsh in judging our modern scribes and Pharisees, let us pause and look at our own legalism. Many of us Christians today go to church to find fault, gossip and critique. Warren Wiersbe, in his book Angry People, wrote:

An incident in the life of Joseph Parker, the great British preacher, illustrates this tragic truth. He was preaching at the Temple of the City in London. After the service, one of the listeners approached him and said: Dr. Parker, you made a grammatical error in your sermon. He then proceeded to point the error to the pastor, Joseph Parker looked at the man and said, "And what else did you get out of the message?" What an appropriate rebuke!

Last year while traveling abroad, I preached to a different cultural audience from mine, and I learned something new. I thought I was doing very well, but I was alerted to something I was not seeing. At the end of a Sunday morning service, a gentleman came to me, and said, "Reverend, I really enjoyed seeing your excitement and your Bible knowledge is really remarkable!" With that said, he handed me his business card with a note on the back: "You will lose the attention of the locals if you continue to shout and change your voice during preaching!" I was so angry! He burst my bubble! There I was, thinking I had rocked, and someone's telling me I'm wrong! (Oh Boy!) So I turned the card to see who he was, and on the other side was his name, the logo of a famous multinational company, and his position as Communication Specialist. Then I stopped and thought: this guy knows the subject; he applied the PPM on me! Something I had studied many years before, also long forgotten. PPM (Plus-Plus-Minus) is a technique for discussing or criticizing ideas. The basic rule: You must declare two positive points before declaring a negative point. This counteracts negativity, forcing the listener to focus first on the positive side of an idea. This practice is used in group dynamics. PPM encourages timid people to come up with ideas without fear of a barrage of criticism.

One of the rarest of management skills, and the most difficult to learn, is how to criticize constructively. Constructive criticism shows consideration for other people's feelings, invites suggestions, and attracts cooperation. When one can not find out how to criticize something constructively, the wiser thing to do is to keep one's mouth shut until one formulates a thought that exalts and edifies the criticized. Here's how Paul began the letter to Philemon: "All the good things that are in you, in Christ Jesus."

The criticism that begins by attacking and putting people in the position of having to defend themselves often transforms small problems into major offenses. Usually, the best way to start is with simple, friendly questions, questions that will give people the opportunity to explain their position without being offended and unaffected. Then, after listening carefully, suggest the changes you would like them to make; whatever they may be; and see what they think.

Do not require an immediate decision if it is not necessary, or if there is still substantial disagreement. Ask them to think about it. Tell them that you will also think about it. Later, if you still believe in the changes you want to make, join them again. Explain that you have thought carefully and still believe the idea is worth trying. Tell them that you have an obligation to give them a fair shot, and you are counting on them to do the same.

Another important point; when we have to criticize or question someone's actions or ideas, let's always look at his or her face. Discussing affectionately with the person involved produces bonds of tenderness. Talking openly to those we criticize is more honest and elegant than talking behind their back. Do not let him or her hear your secondhand criticism.

Do not write or say anything you do not subscribe to below. If you get a negative and anonymous rating, ignore it! If they are not willing to sign your name, it is not worth reading. Do not give importance to anonymity. Anonymity is immoral. A pastor received anonymous note with nothing but the word "FOOL!" written on it. The next morning he entered the church and said, "I've received many scraps without signatures before, but this is the first time I have one where someone forgot to write the note and only signed his name!"

For many of us, just hearing that someone said negative things about what we said or did can trigger acute emotional distress. It is as if the accusation, no matter what the merit, immediately penetrated our defenses, causing substantial damage to our self-esteem, that is, our vanity.

When we respond to criticism in a biblically correct way, we will no longer need to be victimized. We can experience firsthand one of the great promises God gives us in Scripture:

Every tool that is prepared against thee shall not prosper, and every tongue that shall rise up against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn; this is the inheritance of the servants of the Lord, and his righteousness which is from me, saith the Lord. (Isaiah 54.17)

Accepting criticism

Criticism is always difficult to accept, but if we receive it with humility and desire to develop our character, we can obtain the profit of piety. How not to accept the peppermint balloon? Only a fool does not profit when he is reprimanded for his mistakes.

When criticized, we should ask ourselves if the criticism contains any truth. If the answer is yes, we should learn from criticism, even if it does not have the right motivation and right spirit. Here are four suggestions:

(1) Listen to your friends - Face the matter immediately, and take it to God, asking him to remove all resentment or desire from criticizing. What's more, let him teach you the lessons you need.

(2) Check Your Breath - Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who criticized us does not even know the beginning of our problems.

(3) Take the mint - If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humiliate yourself and honestly confess to God and anyone you have hurt.

(4) Wash your mouth - Create a daily habit of willingness by learning again that you are not infallible and that you need the grace and wisdom of God every moment of the day to continue on the right path.

When we are criticized, let us accept what is true and act accordingly, making us stronger people.

Now as to him that is sick in the faith, receive him, not in strife with doubts. For one believes that one can eat everything, and another who is weak eats vegetables. He who eats does not despise what he does not eat; and he that eateth not, let him not judge what he eateth; because God received him for his sake. Who are you, who judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls. But he will be steadfast, for God is able to sign him. Romans 14. 1-4

When your critic's nose is completely wrong ...

Recently, a friend confided a "case." (And here I tell the world with the commitment to show the miracle but no, not the saint.) After a visit to the bathroom, when he bent to lift his pants, his tie and badge were accidentally dipped in the toilet before flushing, thus soiling his badge and tie without him noticing. Do not ask me how. As he continued through the day, he made several accusations about the breath or body odor of other people, only to then realize that the stench coming from himself. Sometimes people criticize and make comments as a way to deal with their own faults and shortcomings. Sometimes people comment and campaign for critical remarks, just out of sheer evil in their hearts.

The prophet Nehemiah was doing an effective job of rebuilding the destroyed walls of Jerusalem. His determined team was on schedule to complete the task in less time than expected. He had enthusiastic support from the vast majority of his people. However, Nehemiah was also the target of vicious criticism.

Two local residents, Sambalat and Tobiah, despised the Jews and mocked the wall. "Even a fox could knock him down," they said. When Nehemiah refused to intimidate or be distracted by this ridicule, Sambalat and Tobias expressed a dissatisfaction in his letter, and called for a meeting to discuss his objections.

Nehemiah's response was classic. He basically said, "I'm doing an important job and I do not have time to hear your complaints." This was not arrogant-it was clever. It was not irreverent - it was the wisest use of his time.

In my time as pastor, I had to learn to deal with criticism. In my younger years, any disagreement would bring me down. Friends and family spent considerable energy caring for my wounded ego. But eventually, experience and Scripture helped me deal with criticism more effectively.

Perhaps some younger Christian leaders can benefit from some of the lessons I've learned.

All effective leaders are criticized. If you are at the front line of the battle, you will probably be hit. It's that simple. We are involved in an intensified spiritual warfare and the enemy becomes increasingly malicious and stingy. One gets the impression that if the world only proves that Christians are false, they will feel justified in their unbelief.

If you dare to speak the truth of God or try to lead the people of God, you will be attacked and labeled as zealous, hypocritical, or foolish. Be safe! Hang on cowboy, for the bull is tough! Or as my brother would say, "Stiff upper lip, Danny, be British! Oswald Sanders, in his classic book Spiritual Leadership, suggests that maturity is moving from thin skin and hard heart to a soft heart and hard skin.

Consider the source. Is it a small, mean person who's complaining or someone you respect? If it comes from someone you have in high regard, evaluate carefully. Perhaps the Lord is using them to point out a blind spot in your life or work. However, if criticism comes from a Sambalat or Tobias of insignificant mind, then it is not worth the time and effort to answer it.

Evaluate the objection. If the review has any validity, receive it gracefully and make the necessary adjustment. If it does not, ignore it and move on.

If during a dream, you are going to the bathroom, wake up! That is a trap! It's the same trap, responding to petty criticism. The critic is too angry to hear reason. They just want to vent. It is a waste of time to respond to grossly false criticism, and generally gives more validity to objection than it deserves. And the one who gets dirty when you wake up is you!

Keep your focus on the ultimate goal. Do not murmur and grumble about critics. This takes your mind off your primary responsibility. Do not let Satan distract you from what needs to be done.

Our task is to please Christ, not men. His is the only opinion that matters. People are so fickle. The same people who criticize you today may be singing your praises tomorrow.

Find a way to get it out of your mind. If I can not get a criticism out of my mind and it is affecting my mood or distracting me, I write exactly what I would like to say without any concern to be kind.

However, I do not immediately send this communication unattended. I wait a day or two and never finish sending it in its original form - and rarely mailing it.

But, venting my feelings in a letter, I took them out of my head and entered the computer screen. So it's easier to forget and focus on the task at hand again.

Get bolder. The temptation is to become timid and completely avoid controversy. That's what the enemy wants! But Jesus warned: "Whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words shall be ashamed of the Son of man, when he shall come in his glory, and in that of the Father and of the holy angels" (Luke 9.26)

Do not let the intimidating tactics of the enemy intimidate you. Speak the truth in love, but speak the truth. King David exhorted, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he redeemed from the hand of the enemy" (Psalm 107. 2)

First-century Christians were threatened with prison and death if they continued to speak about the resurrected Jesus in public. They did not back down or become more cautious. They prayed: "Now therefore, O Lord, look upon their threats, and grant unto thy servants that they speak with all boldness thy word; While you stretch out your hand to heal, and to do signs and wonders for the name of your holy Son Jesus. And when he had prayed, the place where they were gathered was moved; and all were filled with the Holy Spirit, and boldly proclaimed the word of God "(Acts 4.29, 31).

Give thanks to God for the persecution. Jesus exhorted us when persecuted to "Blessed are ye, when they revile and persecute you, and tell you all the evil against you for my sake. Rejoice and rejoice, for great is your reward in heaven; for so persecuted the prophets which were before you. "(Matthew 5. 11-12) When we can praise God and be thankful for all the criticisms, we know that we are growing in spiritual maturity and following in the footsteps of prophets like Nehemiah.

When criticism comes in the form of accusations of something you've done in the past, remember something that my dad says when he gets criticized. "Both God and Satan reminded me of my past sins, your criticism, is the third time I hear about my mistakes, what side does your criticism come from?"

On a walk with a group of Boy Scouts, we learned to deal with the critiques in life, the misgivings of the stingy and the challenges of the great and mighty as we sang a marching song that said:

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout,  you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

Believe me if you will
what on top of that hill
has three meters of sausage,
running after a dog.

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout, you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

I went down the Sugar Loaf hill, 
seized on a string,
I risked my life,
but I saved the Scout Girl.

For you to talk to me,
Wash your mouth with coconut
For your mouth is smelling
something like a vulture's gut

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout, you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

Let them criticize, at first we break the coconut, but then, we go back to work.

DCG