I am (want to be) your true friend

"People claim that we live in a world of irreconcilable differences, that lasting peace can not be achieved because there is no way to change the human heart." - Steve Saint

Recognition - How can we find true friendship in this often false and temporary world? Friendship involves recognition or familiarity with another person's personality. Friends generally share likes and dislikes, interests, activities and passion.

How can we recognize a potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for fellowship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. In addition, genuine friendship involves a common sense of caring and concern, a desire and hope to see each other grow, develop, and succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for another person without expecting anything in return; share thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

The story of the pilot in the jungle was retold in the End of the Spear, a film that begins with an intimate and guttural narration about an idyllic aerial scene of an Amazon rainforest. "People claim that we live in a world of irreconcilable differences, that lasting peace can not be achieved because there is no way to change the human heart." But the story of this movie, a trip down a remote river, "Challenges what many people they say. "This introduces Steve Saint, our guide, through the surreal and sincere world of missionary imagination. We traveled with Steve to the Ecuadorian rainforest of 1943.

A hollow "Waodani" hut is attacked and its villagers murdered by ruthless enemy warriors at night. One of which kills a baby. We followed two child protagonists, a boy named Mincayani and a little girl, Dayumae, as they fled.

The next narrator, Steve Saint, takes us back to his own childhood in 1956, strangely staged to resemble the overly quiet domestic images of a 1950s sitcom full of Roy Rogers cowboy hats, airplane models, a mother wearing an apron and a Lassie as a dog. We met his enthusiastic and bright-eyed father, Nate Saint (Chad Allen) and four American companions (the bizarre energy of his unimaginative portraits was one of the few things that seemed true in this missionary coherent missionary). It is twenty minutes before they tell us that they are missionaries, "closer than the family of blood," and who plan to contact the Waodani for vague and partially articulated reasons (are they hoping to save them from intertribal extinction?) "They are concerned about the government troops, or with their own violent nature? Or are they trying to free them from a Satanic "prison"?)

The score, ranging from drum beats and "tribal" chants, where the Waodani seem like angelic choral arrangements and pastoral chord progressions to the missionaries, leave no doubt as to when we should feel when and what. At first, the blatant emotion of music is appreciated as a much-needed aid to follow the inflexibly dramatic mechanical script that assumes its power. It's a friendship story. When Nate Saint says, "Son, the Waodani are not ready for heaven. We are, "we know we should simply believe. That's when the brilliant idea of an effect phrase enters the boy's mind. He then seeks his aunt's help and translates into Wao, the best catch phrase  in the world: "I am your true friend."

True Friendship - Relationship, Trust, Accountability
True friendship involves relationship. These mutual attributes that we have mentioned above become the basis on which recognition appears in the relationship. Many people say, "Oh, he's a good friend of mine," but they never spend time with this "good friend." Friendship takes time: time to get to know each other, to build shared memories, to invest in each other's growth.

A friend of mine, half Barnabas and half Timothy, came to seek his own interests and broke the bonds that seemed to bind us together. After some time another very dear and dear friend did the same. This has happened again and again; time after time, during my entire lifetime. What's wrong? As I look into the recent and distant past as well, I have become attached to the hard tears that roll because of the friends that come and go. Do I value my friends more than the Lord of friends?

One of these days I received a "friend request" through a social network. I confirmed the request and noticed the following message that said: "You are friends now". This caught my attention and intrigued me, wondering if friendship would be something so quick and immediately ready to be achieved. After all, I have learned that a friend is a treasure (Ecclesiastes 6.14) and that precisely because it is so, it is a rare thing, which takes time to know and to conquer.

This idea that friendship takes time to be born already appears among the ancient philosophers, both the Greeks and the Romans. For example, Aristotle states in his Nicomachean Ethics that "we can not know the people until they have 'consumed the proverbial salt.'" This same principle is also present in the work of Friendship, by the Roman philosopher and philosopher Marco Túlio Cicero: "It is necessary to eat much salt manners with someone so that the friendship is fully consolidated."

"Captain" Virgulino Ferreira da Silva, better known as Lampião (more archaic spelling 'Lampeão'), was the most famous bandit leader of the Cangaço. The Cangaço was a form of banditry endemic to the Brazilian Northeast. was particularly prevalent in the 1920s and 1930s). Lampião led a group of up to 100 cangaçeiros, who occasionally took small towns and waged a series of successful actions against the paramilitary police, when at a great disadvantage.

Lampião's exploits and reputation made him a 'popular hero'. Then the story goes that once when Captain Lampião met a so called Colonel (farm owners/homesteaders) with the intention of invading his farm, the farmer said, scared of the cangaceiros and without realizing that he was speaking with the captain himself, he said that he was a friend of the king of cangaço.

Virgulino Ferreira was influenced by the honor he brought to be known as someone's friend and yet he was annoyed by the fibbing of the colonel. Then he made the following judgment and uttered the sentence: "O xente (hick expression typical of the Northeast of Brazil), I am flattered with so much friendship with you, though I have never seen it. And to be friends with someone, it is said that it is necessary to eat a pot of salt with your friend. And since I've just met you, my sentence will be that you eat your half of the salt right now. "To make the short tale even shorter, he forced the man to eat the entire pot of salt until he passed away, tragically leaving quite pleasant the narrative of a short story with its strange moral applications to be told for many decades to come.

Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end up on the Internet the next day! Failure to be trusted with these intimate secrets can destroy a friendship. Faithfulness and loyalty are fundamental to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship there is no slander, no negative thoughts, no withdrawal.

True friendship requires certain accountability factors. True friends encourage and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine friendship supports in times of struggle. Friends are trustworthy. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and always want the best for them.

True friendship - examples of real friendship - true stories of friendship are found throughout the Bible. In Genesis 18. 17-33, we read about God sharing his intentions with Abraham. Abraham responds by telling God his thoughts and feelings about the situation. God and Abraham are able to do this because they trust and respect each other.

First Samuel 20 focuses on the friendship of David and Jonathan. These two men really cared for each other and had great confidence in each other. David was running after Jonathan's father, Saul, who pursued him. Jonathan recognized that David was innocent. Because of the true friendship they shared, David survived Saul's assassination attempts and became one of Israel's greatest kings.

True and Biblical friendship involves freedom of choice, responsibility, truth, and forgiveness. Peter and Jesus give us this example: Peter, fearful of his life after Jesus is taken away from the Garden of Gethsemane, denies knowing him (John 18). When taken by his accusers, Jesus takes a look at Peter who says, "I knew that you would deny me, and I forgive you" (John 21).

True friendship looks to the heart of the Lord, not just to the "packing of the friend." Genuine friendship loves for love, not just for what it can receive in return. True friendship is challenging and exciting. He risks, ignores failures and loves unconditionally, but it also involves being sincere, even if it hurts. Genuine friendship, also called "agape" love, comes from the Lord. The Lord Jesus calls us to his friends and gave his life for us (John 15).

Real-life relationships involve different levels of friendship and that's fine. But humans are designed by God for enduring relationships. Often our isolationist society offers only vague and empty relationships. God wants us to have friends here on earth. Above all, he wants us to be his friends!

The Word of God tells us that a friend is closer than a brother and that to be a friend, one should befriend (Proverbs 18.24). The question is, what kind of friend do you want to be?

Proverbs 18.19 says, "It is more difficult to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a locked gate with iron bars." When we offend a true friend - be it by breaking a trust or speaking the truth with love - we risk losing that friendship. We must be careful not to break trust. But when we do not speak the truth will do more harm in the lives of our friends, we must be willing to sacrifice our needs for those of our friend. This is true friendship.

If we sometimes offend a friend unintentionally, the Word of God offers a solution. This is called forgiveness. There is no greater example than God's love for us. He is so great that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, that our friendship with God might be restored. He did this despite the fact that he had been deeply offended, cosmically. We disobey his commandments, turn our backs to him, and go our own way. So the question remains: what kind of friend do you want to be? True Christian friendship forgives.

In The End of the Spear, friendship was found in forgiveness, but before that, friendship was found by those who gave their lives so the other could live. In the statement "they are not ready for heaven" Nate Saint drew the line we must follow to be a true friend, in whatever language one can speak. A sad news for me is to realize that, like the Colonel in the salt-pot tale, I can sometimes seem more like a friend than I was.

You see, in my reverse state of mind, without Jesus and against God, I could only claim to be a good friend of the King of Kings. However, in redemption, when my friendship is neither based nor valued in me or in my feelings or in my heart that is very misleading but has its own weight in Jesus, I will look even for those who can try me kill or harm me in any way, and only see the image of Jesus who died for them. So I will not use weapons against those who are not ready to experience the joy that is yet to come.

Do you need a friend? God wants to be your true friend. Are you yearning for company? God is always with you (Hebrews 13. 5). Who do you know who needs a true friend today? God wants you to be friends with others. He calls us to be his hands and feet in a world hungry for true friendship.

Of Fibs and truths in friends and friendship

... For Demas, having loved the present world, forsook me and went to Thessalonica; Crescent went to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia - 2 Timothy 4.10

Years ago, Nenāo had just gotten married and came to visit. While we went out for to run some errands, as he was driving his little red Fiesta from the countryside to the city, he put on a song that really caught my attention. The blues in the form of a sacred advice, tells the listener to make a list of great friends. Who did you most see ten years ago? How many do you still see every day? How many could you still find? Make a list of the dreams you had: how many of them did you give up? How many friends have you vowed? How many have you managed to preserve? Where do you still recognize yourself: In the last photo or now in the mirror? Is it as you thought it would be today? How many friends did you throw away? How many mysteries were you looking into? How many could you understand? How many secrets have you kept: today they are silly, nobody wants to know. How many lies did you condemn? How many did you have to tell? How many defects healed over time: They were the best in you. How many songs did not you sing? Today you whistle to survive. How many people did you love? Now, they think they love you.

I felt it. What was my cousin trying to tell me? Almost 15 years later, when I hear the same old song, I feel regret for the people who came into my life and left me alone.

Today, leaving people is like a game where everyone participates to some extent. We do this constantly, even the most gentle among us - we leave people. We leave our partners. We leave the comrades inside out as we head to court with a mixture of guilt, shame, pride, trouble and expectation. We left our neighbors as we moved into another area, with weak promises to keep up. We lost our friends in late spring when we went on to other summers. We leave some companions, since we can not take any more and say goodbye to different friends, because you can not be attentive to everyone. People are leaving. They will leave us and expose us (even if only to ourselves). The promises of love and faithfulness will mean nothing; if we become so self-absolved and great that there is no room for the "other" in our life.

Too much "ego" will leave you alone. Leaving people behind because of your ego will kill your talent. Attacks on the ego are faced with defense mechanisms, often with anger. People react with anger, withdrawal, anxiety, sadness, etc. The wounds of the ego can lead to a loss of self-esteem. Someone will probably regret or strongly mourn the blow of the ego as it is painful. It's a strange disease. It makes everyone sick, except the person who has it.
It's not always about us. Sometimes it's about them when they leave, and what they need to get more out of life and more for their personal happiness and well-being. We are not the center of the universe for anyone's life, not even ours!

We all want different things in our lives, no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we give ourselves. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or does not fade, and they feel they can not fulfill that passion or desire they have while they are with you, then they must finally leave or live resentful with you.

Is this what you really want for yourself or for them? Do you see now why you need to leave people who have chosen to leave your life?

Do not abandon your friend or friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; the neighbor is closest to a distant brother. Proverbs 27.10

We must maintain the bonds of friendship as dear and obligate, even beyond the generations. Friends should not be abandoned. A well-experienced and old friend is invaluable. We should never forget or neglect a person who has been your friend or family. Solomon exemplified his own domain by cultivating friendly ties with Hiram, the friend of his father (1 Kings 5.1-10). The contempt devoid of this rule cost the foolish son of Solomon his kingdom (1 Kings 12: 6-19). We should not assume that our brother by birth is the best to help on the day of calamity, especially if the brother is away. Better is a smaller feature that is close by than a better feature that is far away.

A friend had a quotation written on the wall of his room: "A stranger is just a friend you have not yet met." And I always loved that quote and my friend too, for writing that on his wall. You see, the problem is the basis of making a friend that leaves us confused. We mistakenly commit our friendship to what is good for us at the time. The problem is that sometimes strangers are the Boogey Man, the embodiment of evil, and they are, in fact, our enemies! And we try and try to make new friends. Sometimes it can be a new career, something in common with a person we know, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it themselves and not have to commit to a period of time or be with a person. This really is about them and not about you; so let them go so they can fulfill their desire. Go find something that incites you and inspires you in the same way. Be a friend because God wants you to have fellowship with people.

Self-Obsession: These people take advantage of you and then leave you in the middle of nowhere. Self-obsessed people are very strange. They only think for themselves. They will do anything to defend their self-image. They are great liars. They fight with empathy and they do not care. They are not the most thoughtful people. When they're done with you, they'll leave you.

Some relationships are toxic. Can I put it more simply than that? It will be harmful to a person (you), even if you are prepared to stay there, continue to wait for things to change, or it will be harmful to the other person. They realize this and leave.

Or was their relationship harmful to both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place for anyone. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship. Do not wait for them to change and stop giving excuses. That does not change anything. Let them go.

On the other hand, if you have been accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then let them go and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help solving any problem you are experiencing.

The problem of society: People leave others because they do not find the other person attractive. Nowadays people want to be with those who are popular. What others will think about is the root cause. Leaving people because what others will think will or will not have a good impact on your life shows how selfish the other person is. But nowadays people do not really care about the feelings of others.

Some people will do whatever they want whenever they want. They will not give you a second thought. Call them whatever name you want, but I doubt they matter. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have no interest in changing. After all, they think they are perfect, so why suffer from someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self-importance blinded them to their pain and suffering. Did you ever expect them to come home, they ignored or despised you, forgot your birthday, to get you out of there? Your relationship was very one-sided and all about them and they decided to leave you to someone else without thinking a little of your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you've had a breakout of luck. Count your blessings. Not a loss!

Lack of Sense: Open-minded people always believe that there are multiple perspectives in any situation. That said, there is a recurring scenario where common sense is lacking and needs to be addressed. These people do not use their sense and hurt the feelings of other people without any cause.

They are totally insane. Maybe you sent them away. You changed? Did something happen? Have you missed the signs or alarms? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can respond to this, or if you find it very difficult, trust someone whose opinion you respect, but you may not always like it! You deserve an honest answer before you can make amends and get some closure.

Lack of Education: Education is a dynamic process involving individuals, groups and the society in which they live. It is a process that is shaped by the past and at the same time must be continually refined to face challenges that can not be avoided in the future. But people who have no education are not well civilized. There is a misunderstanding and they leave people forever.

Sometimes you just have to admit it was just you trying to make things work. Maybe they found what they were looking for somewhere else and you no longer met their expectations. You were over your requirements; they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and difficult to face, but is it possible that this has happened? Sometimes we strive so hard to meet everyone's expectations, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to fit into the lives, interests and hobbies of other people, but there is no guarantee that they would stay. Perhaps they are so fickle that they continue to float among people, not sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Jealousy: Jealousy itself is a killer. People may have different reasons in different cultures for being jealous. Jealousy is a universal emotion. It damages the mind of yours or another. It is one of those demons that seem to take everything when it is felt and yet we leave others behind. Instead of getting jealous, you should focus first on yourself.

Sometimes giving up someone is kinder than holding them down. Yes, sometimes letting someone else go is the nicest thing to do. You are now free to do the things you always wanted to do. Are you no longer prevented from doing something you are putting off or feeling unable to do before that?

Alternatively, maybe that's why someone left. Because he felt trapped and stagnant in one aspect of his life, that made them very unhappy, so unhappy that they had to do something. That something was coming out of you, no matter how difficult it was for one or both.

Tired and Exhausted: People really do not understand the impact they leave on the lives of others. People get frustrated and leave others in the middle of nowhere. Other people think all their lives and what they have done wrong. They continue to mourn all their lives. It becomes frustrating and people feel guilty.

You have become very dependent. You got lost along the way and became very dependent and longed to be with them and have them around you and they recognized it and felt trapped, suffocated and desired! If you were less independent since you were together, did you have higher expectations of the other person? Did they see you as needy, sticky, vulnerable and maybe a little picky?

Not Finding More Interest: Sometimes people get tired of each other. They become depressed and therefore insult others. They lack confidence and self-acceptance. Instead of feeling bad about yourself, asking yourself what you can do to get things right and start acting accordingly, people misbehave and abandon you.

Together you no longer work. You constantly argued and built resentment and hostility built. You did not want to acknowledge this or continue to think it would look better, but the other person decided to leave first, but it's still hard to let go.

Trust simply disappeared. It is very difficult to go back in time and if a significant trust has been broken by either party. Being in a relationship will become unsustainable when a person has had enough and will no longer work in the relationship. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let it go, learn and rebuild. Take what's best in the relationship so you do not become cynical, but also learn from what went wrong.

Self-centered: Leaving people behind is the most frequent street in life. Sometimes we leave people because of our ego. We floated away from them, not calling. This luck erases our guilt and makes us look kind. From time to time there is a conscious choice to take someone out of our lives.

Why is it so much easier to leave the people we choose to leave, but we find it much harder to leave the people who chose to leave our lives? It could be something to do with the fact that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Let's split things up a bit and look at the reasons why we need to leave people, and secondly, why people chose to leave our lives in the first place.

Their relationship meant control. Let's face it; this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible that the other person was controlling you or you were trying to control them? Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of whom left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward, none of the people would be happy.


All of the factors mentioned above can be like spokes of a wheel. Part of a relationship mechanism that exists can be effectively harmful or not. They are just there. In a relationship without Christ as the axis, these spokes become axis and make the SNAFU’ s of each and every relationship. (SITUATION NORMAL, ALL FOWLED UP)

However, for the mind of Christ to work in us and to be able to change all situations, we have to understand the reality, and the events and people who traveled through our door (HELLO THERE Willie Nelson) as if they were part of God's plan for make us look to God as our only true friend. And he has promised us by his name, by his person and by his spirit that he will never leave us, he will never abandon any of his children, even when it seems that each one left you.

To break away from this mechanism of making friends, I unexpectedly discovered these lonely years, a thank you for the lonely road I was given to travel. For with this came a greater understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to know him not only as my Savior but my comfort, sustenance, hope and strength. I believe that until our worldly comforts are divested, we can begin to experience the true depth, duration, and height of their love for us.

Although I am grateful for what God is doing to me through trial, the enemy has worked hard to take advantage of my solitude whenever he can. However, despite his attacks and lies, Christ has used what the enemy intends to do harm and is showing me how this path of solitude is not out of his perfect will and plan for me.

Let's take some of the lies we are tempted to believe in times of loneliness.

I'm alone…
The lie: "Loneliness means that I am alone."

The truth: "Solitude draws the external comfort from those around me, leading me to find solace in Christ alone."


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all consolation, who comforts us in our affliction ... (2Corinthians 1: 3)

Yes, there are times when God allows us to feel alone in terms of the world around us. However, despite our extreme aversion to loneliness, God's grace allows us, for a period, to take us deeper into his Word and prayer, in search of a full and hopeful and living unity with him. Christ knows that we can not find true and lasting consolation in anyone but himself, since he is the only one who is the God of all comfort.

Removing the earthly comfort of those around us, the Lord moves us in one of two directions: toward a deeper intimacy with our Savior, or towards the unveiling of an unrepentant heart, which ultimately desires more comfort than Christ.

Brother or sister in Christ, if you feel alone in your suffering, thank God for loving him enough to allow that time in your life to bring him closer to him. He does not do this out of harshness, but out of a desire to increase his faith and provide for you that which only he can give. The secret is: look at the cross and now look around. You will see that when he was alone, Jesus made those around him his companions, because he was focused on true friendships. Look at your wife, your church, your children. They are there because of a covenant based on fellowship with the Cross.

Nobody understands…
The lie: "I am the only one who suffered thus, and no one will ever be able to understand my pain."

The truth: "Christ will not ask me to suffer anything that he himself has not yet suffered, and many who were before me endured similar or more difficult ways than I to bring me the comfort they received in Christ."

One of the reasons why the temptation arises is because we often do not know much about people or people, if there are, in our immediate circle of friends, relatives or even acquaintances who have been called upon to bear the specific burden that has been ours given load.

Even if we do indeed know someone else who can relate to our pain, different temperaments and levels of maturity in our faith provide unique experiences and responses within the same general judgment. So, although the reality is that others may have experienced a similar form of suffering, in our eyes, no one can fully understand our pain.

If the enemy can make us believe that there really is no one who can understand, it will tempt us to exclude others, even those whom God has provided for us as support and encouragement. The danger of this isolation is that it will drive us away from the people around us with the truth when we need it most, sending us to bitterness, depression, harshness, repentance and, ultimately, uselessness in the kingdom of God.

Therefore, we must remember this truth:

As we abundantly share in the sufferings of Christ, we also share abundantly in comfort through Christ. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort that you experience when you endure patiently the same sufferings that we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1: 5-6)

Jesus Christ is the only one who can enter into our pain completely and completely. Only he knows our hearts, temperaments, insecurities, fears, emotions and desires, and even more: our sins.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there is no truth in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we do not sin, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1: 8-10

Therefore, we struggle against the temptation to withdraw, first realizing that only Christ can fill the deep holes left by the regrets of life. When we realize that only Christ can bring us true and eternal comfort, we free people from having to meet our expectations. And when we free people to meet our expectations, our eyes open to the gift of the body of Christ and their provision of comfort given through their people.

Our Savior does not comfort us by clapping at a distance. Instead, it comforts us with the assurance of our salvation, the power of the Holy Spirit and the body of Christ, giving us strength, courage and daring.

God must not be loving...
The Lie: "A loving God would not make me take such a painful path. If you really love me, it will always provide support, encouragement, and understanding to those around me. "

The truth: "A loving God sent his own Son on the loneliest road that man knew, so that I would never have to go any way alone."

Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners so that you would not tire or despair. (Hebrews 12: 3)

Besides the grace of Jesus Christ, none of our sufferings in this life would have any purpose, value or hope. But because of the gospel, yes! So, instead of seeing these seasons of loneliness as our enemy and something to be avoided at all costs, we can see it as a privilege and a call to walk the lonely road of Calvary with our Savior. It allows us to experience glimpses of the path he has traveled so that we may also experience the great comfort and reward that will be ours for eternity in him.

I do not have enough faith...
The lie: "If I feel alone, I must not have enough faith."

The truth: "Holding firm to Jesus, despite his solitude, proclaim to those around me that it is worth the lonely road I run. It is a beautiful and glorifying image of faith in Christ in my Savior, who traveled the lonely and painful path to Calvary for my salvation, hope and comfort. It is an honor and a privilege to be called to walk in his footsteps because he assures me that I am a child of God. "


Behold, the hour cometh, and cometh near, wherein ye shall be scattered every one to his part, and leave me alone; but I am not alone, because the Father is with me. I have told you this, that in me ye may have peace; in the world ye shall have afflictions, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. John 16.32,33

The loving hand of God orders even the loneliness we experience in these painful ways. Although we feel alone, we are never truly abandoned. He allows these stations to produce in their children endurance, strength, unwavering faith, and uniqueness to the gospel. Solitude reminds us that this world is not our home, that we have been commissioned to spread the gospel in the place and time set for us.

Loneliness is not hopelessness and does not defeat us, but it enables us to know more of Christ and make him known to those around us.

My suggestion, my answer to the challenge of making a list of all my friends and all my thoughts, is to make a list of all the people God put into your life, and how and why, in reality, you can actually say why they are apparently gone. Sing on your list, in the hopes of Zion and the New Jerusalem, when we will meet with all our friends in Jesus, those who have offended us, and those we offend. Make a list of the truths you have forgotten, and the lies you have begun to believe and disclose. Seek shelter and fellowship with those around you. Find company in the now, find joy in hope brought by the future.

Believer, I am well aware that there are some extremely painful roads. I have recently felt the absence and the distance of many who have been part of my journey. I keep remembering when on the road next to Nenão, and in the list that I do today, he is far away, is closer today because we have the centrality of Jesus as the axis of our relationship. And so with many others! Yesterday, a friend of more than 30 years without seeing, called me, and I thanked God for it! I want to cultivate this axis. and thus, any adverse situations in the friendships, may be trusted in the power of the knowledge of God.

HOW TO CRITICIZE AND ACCEPT CRITICISM - (CHECK YOUR OWN AND BE GODLY WHILE POINTING OUT OTHER PEOPLE’S HALITOSIS.)

Have you ever noticed that when a friend or someone close to you has bad breath and you try to offer him a mint or some candy, they never accept it? I think this is because we are never very self conscious or want to avoid an embarrassing situation.

We all go through things like the uncomfortable feeling that our breath is not so fresh. Millions of dollars are spent by many people each year on mouthwash, mints, and other devices to protect colleagues, friends, and family from an offensive breath of a jaguar (as it is said in Brazil).

Keeping the breath fresh, however, does not always depend on a trip to the personal care sector of the local store. It may require radical treatment, even a surgical intervention! Whatever the cause of halitosis, the first step is to be prepared to discover your problem before it becomes a problem for another person. As disturbing as it may be, a friendly warning should be well accepted, coming or going.

This is also true of giving and receiving criticism. Recently a great friend noted that the worst defect in someone is one that the person himself does not perceive. Andre is right. My answer was that the solution would be to develop friendships that would enable friends to inform us about our faults and, us, theirs. Always the truth in love.

When I first arrived in Japan, someone from my congregation pointed out several flaws in both my preaching and myself. The funny thing was that the man had the worst breath in the parish! Instead of retaliating or trying to defend myself as I would in the flesh, I submitted to the Word. I looked at the old Japanese man and said, "If what you say is true, would you mind praying for me?"

Before we are harsh in judging our modern scribes and Pharisees, let us pause and look at our own legalism. Many of us Christians today go to church to find fault, gossip and critique. Warren Wiersbe, in his book Angry People, wrote:

An incident in the life of Joseph Parker, the great British preacher, illustrates this tragic truth. He was preaching at the Temple of the City in London. After the service, one of the listeners approached him and said: Dr. Parker, you made a grammatical error in your sermon. He then proceeded to point the error to the pastor, Joseph Parker looked at the man and said, "And what else did you get out of the message?" What an appropriate rebuke!

Last year while traveling abroad, I preached to a different cultural audience from mine, and I learned something new. I thought I was doing very well, but I was alerted to something I was not seeing. At the end of a Sunday morning service, a gentleman came to me, and said, "Reverend, I really enjoyed seeing your excitement and your Bible knowledge is really remarkable!" With that said, he handed me his business card with a note on the back: "You will lose the attention of the locals if you continue to shout and change your voice during preaching!" I was so angry! He burst my bubble! There I was, thinking I had rocked, and someone's telling me I'm wrong! (Oh Boy!) So I turned the card to see who he was, and on the other side was his name, the logo of a famous multinational company, and his position as Communication Specialist. Then I stopped and thought: this guy knows the subject; he applied the PPM on me! Something I had studied many years before, also long forgotten. PPM (Plus-Plus-Minus) is a technique for discussing or criticizing ideas. The basic rule: You must declare two positive points before declaring a negative point. This counteracts negativity, forcing the listener to focus first on the positive side of an idea. This practice is used in group dynamics. PPM encourages timid people to come up with ideas without fear of a barrage of criticism.

One of the rarest of management skills, and the most difficult to learn, is how to criticize constructively. Constructive criticism shows consideration for other people's feelings, invites suggestions, and attracts cooperation. When one can not find out how to criticize something constructively, the wiser thing to do is to keep one's mouth shut until one formulates a thought that exalts and edifies the criticized. Here's how Paul began the letter to Philemon: "All the good things that are in you, in Christ Jesus."

The criticism that begins by attacking and putting people in the position of having to defend themselves often transforms small problems into major offenses. Usually, the best way to start is with simple, friendly questions, questions that will give people the opportunity to explain their position without being offended and unaffected. Then, after listening carefully, suggest the changes you would like them to make; whatever they may be; and see what they think.

Do not require an immediate decision if it is not necessary, or if there is still substantial disagreement. Ask them to think about it. Tell them that you will also think about it. Later, if you still believe in the changes you want to make, join them again. Explain that you have thought carefully and still believe the idea is worth trying. Tell them that you have an obligation to give them a fair shot, and you are counting on them to do the same.

Another important point; when we have to criticize or question someone's actions or ideas, let's always look at his or her face. Discussing affectionately with the person involved produces bonds of tenderness. Talking openly to those we criticize is more honest and elegant than talking behind their back. Do not let him or her hear your secondhand criticism.

Do not write or say anything you do not subscribe to below. If you get a negative and anonymous rating, ignore it! If they are not willing to sign your name, it is not worth reading. Do not give importance to anonymity. Anonymity is immoral. A pastor received anonymous note with nothing but the word "FOOL!" written on it. The next morning he entered the church and said, "I've received many scraps without signatures before, but this is the first time I have one where someone forgot to write the note and only signed his name!"

For many of us, just hearing that someone said negative things about what we said or did can trigger acute emotional distress. It is as if the accusation, no matter what the merit, immediately penetrated our defenses, causing substantial damage to our self-esteem, that is, our vanity.

When we respond to criticism in a biblically correct way, we will no longer need to be victimized. We can experience firsthand one of the great promises God gives us in Scripture:

Every tool that is prepared against thee shall not prosper, and every tongue that shall rise up against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn; this is the inheritance of the servants of the Lord, and his righteousness which is from me, saith the Lord. (Isaiah 54.17)

Accepting criticism

Criticism is always difficult to accept, but if we receive it with humility and desire to develop our character, we can obtain the profit of piety. How not to accept the peppermint balloon? Only a fool does not profit when he is reprimanded for his mistakes.

When criticized, we should ask ourselves if the criticism contains any truth. If the answer is yes, we should learn from criticism, even if it does not have the right motivation and right spirit. Here are four suggestions:

(1) Listen to your friends - Face the matter immediately, and take it to God, asking him to remove all resentment or desire from criticizing. What's more, let him teach you the lessons you need.

(2) Check Your Breath - Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who criticized us does not even know the beginning of our problems.

(3) Take the mint - If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humiliate yourself and honestly confess to God and anyone you have hurt.

(4) Wash your mouth - Create a daily habit of willingness by learning again that you are not infallible and that you need the grace and wisdom of God every moment of the day to continue on the right path.

When we are criticized, let us accept what is true and act accordingly, making us stronger people.

Now as to him that is sick in the faith, receive him, not in strife with doubts. For one believes that one can eat everything, and another who is weak eats vegetables. He who eats does not despise what he does not eat; and he that eateth not, let him not judge what he eateth; because God received him for his sake. Who are you, who judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls. But he will be steadfast, for God is able to sign him. Romans 14. 1-4

When your critic's nose is completely wrong ...

Recently, a friend confided a "case." (And here I tell the world with the commitment to show the miracle but no, not the saint.) After a visit to the bathroom, when he bent to lift his pants, his tie and badge were accidentally dipped in the toilet before flushing, thus soiling his badge and tie without him noticing. Do not ask me how. As he continued through the day, he made several accusations about the breath or body odor of other people, only to then realize that the stench coming from himself. Sometimes people criticize and make comments as a way to deal with their own faults and shortcomings. Sometimes people comment and campaign for critical remarks, just out of sheer evil in their hearts.

The prophet Nehemiah was doing an effective job of rebuilding the destroyed walls of Jerusalem. His determined team was on schedule to complete the task in less time than expected. He had enthusiastic support from the vast majority of his people. However, Nehemiah was also the target of vicious criticism.

Two local residents, Sambalat and Tobiah, despised the Jews and mocked the wall. "Even a fox could knock him down," they said. When Nehemiah refused to intimidate or be distracted by this ridicule, Sambalat and Tobias expressed a dissatisfaction in his letter, and called for a meeting to discuss his objections.

Nehemiah's response was classic. He basically said, "I'm doing an important job and I do not have time to hear your complaints." This was not arrogant-it was clever. It was not irreverent - it was the wisest use of his time.

In my time as pastor, I had to learn to deal with criticism. In my younger years, any disagreement would bring me down. Friends and family spent considerable energy caring for my wounded ego. But eventually, experience and Scripture helped me deal with criticism more effectively.

Perhaps some younger Christian leaders can benefit from some of the lessons I've learned.

All effective leaders are criticized. If you are at the front line of the battle, you will probably be hit. It's that simple. We are involved in an intensified spiritual warfare and the enemy becomes increasingly malicious and stingy. One gets the impression that if the world only proves that Christians are false, they will feel justified in their unbelief.

If you dare to speak the truth of God or try to lead the people of God, you will be attacked and labeled as zealous, hypocritical, or foolish. Be safe! Hang on cowboy, for the bull is tough! Or as my brother would say, "Stiff upper lip, Danny, be British! Oswald Sanders, in his classic book Spiritual Leadership, suggests that maturity is moving from thin skin and hard heart to a soft heart and hard skin.

Consider the source. Is it a small, mean person who's complaining or someone you respect? If it comes from someone you have in high regard, evaluate carefully. Perhaps the Lord is using them to point out a blind spot in your life or work. However, if criticism comes from a Sambalat or Tobias of insignificant mind, then it is not worth the time and effort to answer it.

Evaluate the objection. If the review has any validity, receive it gracefully and make the necessary adjustment. If it does not, ignore it and move on.

If during a dream, you are going to the bathroom, wake up! That is a trap! It's the same trap, responding to petty criticism. The critic is too angry to hear reason. They just want to vent. It is a waste of time to respond to grossly false criticism, and generally gives more validity to objection than it deserves. And the one who gets dirty when you wake up is you!

Keep your focus on the ultimate goal. Do not murmur and grumble about critics. This takes your mind off your primary responsibility. Do not let Satan distract you from what needs to be done.

Our task is to please Christ, not men. His is the only opinion that matters. People are so fickle. The same people who criticize you today may be singing your praises tomorrow.

Find a way to get it out of your mind. If I can not get a criticism out of my mind and it is affecting my mood or distracting me, I write exactly what I would like to say without any concern to be kind.

However, I do not immediately send this communication unattended. I wait a day or two and never finish sending it in its original form - and rarely mailing it.

But, venting my feelings in a letter, I took them out of my head and entered the computer screen. So it's easier to forget and focus on the task at hand again.

Get bolder. The temptation is to become timid and completely avoid controversy. That's what the enemy wants! But Jesus warned: "Whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words shall be ashamed of the Son of man, when he shall come in his glory, and in that of the Father and of the holy angels" (Luke 9.26)

Do not let the intimidating tactics of the enemy intimidate you. Speak the truth in love, but speak the truth. King David exhorted, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he redeemed from the hand of the enemy" (Psalm 107. 2)

First-century Christians were threatened with prison and death if they continued to speak about the resurrected Jesus in public. They did not back down or become more cautious. They prayed: "Now therefore, O Lord, look upon their threats, and grant unto thy servants that they speak with all boldness thy word; While you stretch out your hand to heal, and to do signs and wonders for the name of your holy Son Jesus. And when he had prayed, the place where they were gathered was moved; and all were filled with the Holy Spirit, and boldly proclaimed the word of God "(Acts 4.29, 31).

Give thanks to God for the persecution. Jesus exhorted us when persecuted to "Blessed are ye, when they revile and persecute you, and tell you all the evil against you for my sake. Rejoice and rejoice, for great is your reward in heaven; for so persecuted the prophets which were before you. "(Matthew 5. 11-12) When we can praise God and be thankful for all the criticisms, we know that we are growing in spiritual maturity and following in the footsteps of prophets like Nehemiah.

When criticism comes in the form of accusations of something you've done in the past, remember something that my dad says when he gets criticized. "Both God and Satan reminded me of my past sins, your criticism, is the third time I hear about my mistakes, what side does your criticism come from?"

On a walk with a group of Boy Scouts, we learned to deal with the critiques in life, the misgivings of the stingy and the challenges of the great and mighty as we sang a marching song that said:

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout,  you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

Believe me if you will
what on top of that hill
has three meters of sausage,
running after a dog.

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout, you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

I went down the Sugar Loaf hill, 
seized on a string,
I risked my life,
but I saved the Scout Girl.

For you to talk to me,
Wash your mouth with coconut
For your mouth is smelling
something like a vulture's gut

Coconut break, coconut break,
on the slope of the mountain,
Boy Scout, you break your coconut,
and then go back to work.

Let them criticize, at first we break the coconut, but then, we go back to work.

DCG