Of Fibs and truths in friends and friendship

... For Demas, having loved the present world, forsook me and went to Thessalonica; Crescent went to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia - 2 Timothy 4.10

Years ago, Nenāo had just gotten married and came to visit. While we went out for to run some errands, as he was driving his little red Fiesta from the countryside to the city, he put on a song that really caught my attention. The blues in the form of a sacred advice, tells the listener to make a list of great friends. Who did you most see ten years ago? How many do you still see every day? How many could you still find? Make a list of the dreams you had: how many of them did you give up? How many friends have you vowed? How many have you managed to preserve? Where do you still recognize yourself: In the last photo or now in the mirror? Is it as you thought it would be today? How many friends did you throw away? How many mysteries were you looking into? How many could you understand? How many secrets have you kept: today they are silly, nobody wants to know. How many lies did you condemn? How many did you have to tell? How many defects healed over time: They were the best in you. How many songs did not you sing? Today you whistle to survive. How many people did you love? Now, they think they love you.

I felt it. What was my cousin trying to tell me? Almost 15 years later, when I hear the same old song, I feel regret for the people who came into my life and left me alone.

Today, leaving people is like a game where everyone participates to some extent. We do this constantly, even the most gentle among us - we leave people. We leave our partners. We leave the comrades inside out as we head to court with a mixture of guilt, shame, pride, trouble and expectation. We left our neighbors as we moved into another area, with weak promises to keep up. We lost our friends in late spring when we went on to other summers. We leave some companions, since we can not take any more and say goodbye to different friends, because you can not be attentive to everyone. People are leaving. They will leave us and expose us (even if only to ourselves). The promises of love and faithfulness will mean nothing; if we become so self-absolved and great that there is no room for the "other" in our life.

Too much "ego" will leave you alone. Leaving people behind because of your ego will kill your talent. Attacks on the ego are faced with defense mechanisms, often with anger. People react with anger, withdrawal, anxiety, sadness, etc. The wounds of the ego can lead to a loss of self-esteem. Someone will probably regret or strongly mourn the blow of the ego as it is painful. It's a strange disease. It makes everyone sick, except the person who has it.
It's not always about us. Sometimes it's about them when they leave, and what they need to get more out of life and more for their personal happiness and well-being. We are not the center of the universe for anyone's life, not even ours!

We all want different things in our lives, no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we give ourselves. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or does not fade, and they feel they can not fulfill that passion or desire they have while they are with you, then they must finally leave or live resentful with you.

Is this what you really want for yourself or for them? Do you see now why you need to leave people who have chosen to leave your life?

Do not abandon your friend or friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; the neighbor is closest to a distant brother. Proverbs 27.10

We must maintain the bonds of friendship as dear and obligate, even beyond the generations. Friends should not be abandoned. A well-experienced and old friend is invaluable. We should never forget or neglect a person who has been your friend or family. Solomon exemplified his own domain by cultivating friendly ties with Hiram, the friend of his father (1 Kings 5.1-10). The contempt devoid of this rule cost the foolish son of Solomon his kingdom (1 Kings 12: 6-19). We should not assume that our brother by birth is the best to help on the day of calamity, especially if the brother is away. Better is a smaller feature that is close by than a better feature that is far away.

A friend had a quotation written on the wall of his room: "A stranger is just a friend you have not yet met." And I always loved that quote and my friend too, for writing that on his wall. You see, the problem is the basis of making a friend that leaves us confused. We mistakenly commit our friendship to what is good for us at the time. The problem is that sometimes strangers are the Boogey Man, the embodiment of evil, and they are, in fact, our enemies! And we try and try to make new friends. Sometimes it can be a new career, something in common with a person we know, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it themselves and not have to commit to a period of time or be with a person. This really is about them and not about you; so let them go so they can fulfill their desire. Go find something that incites you and inspires you in the same way. Be a friend because God wants you to have fellowship with people.

Self-Obsession: These people take advantage of you and then leave you in the middle of nowhere. Self-obsessed people are very strange. They only think for themselves. They will do anything to defend their self-image. They are great liars. They fight with empathy and they do not care. They are not the most thoughtful people. When they're done with you, they'll leave you.

Some relationships are toxic. Can I put it more simply than that? It will be harmful to a person (you), even if you are prepared to stay there, continue to wait for things to change, or it will be harmful to the other person. They realize this and leave.

Or was their relationship harmful to both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place for anyone. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship. Do not wait for them to change and stop giving excuses. That does not change anything. Let them go.

On the other hand, if you have been accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then let them go and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help solving any problem you are experiencing.

The problem of society: People leave others because they do not find the other person attractive. Nowadays people want to be with those who are popular. What others will think about is the root cause. Leaving people because what others will think will or will not have a good impact on your life shows how selfish the other person is. But nowadays people do not really care about the feelings of others.

Some people will do whatever they want whenever they want. They will not give you a second thought. Call them whatever name you want, but I doubt they matter. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have no interest in changing. After all, they think they are perfect, so why suffer from someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self-importance blinded them to their pain and suffering. Did you ever expect them to come home, they ignored or despised you, forgot your birthday, to get you out of there? Your relationship was very one-sided and all about them and they decided to leave you to someone else without thinking a little of your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you've had a breakout of luck. Count your blessings. Not a loss!

Lack of Sense: Open-minded people always believe that there are multiple perspectives in any situation. That said, there is a recurring scenario where common sense is lacking and needs to be addressed. These people do not use their sense and hurt the feelings of other people without any cause.

They are totally insane. Maybe you sent them away. You changed? Did something happen? Have you missed the signs or alarms? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can respond to this, or if you find it very difficult, trust someone whose opinion you respect, but you may not always like it! You deserve an honest answer before you can make amends and get some closure.

Lack of Education: Education is a dynamic process involving individuals, groups and the society in which they live. It is a process that is shaped by the past and at the same time must be continually refined to face challenges that can not be avoided in the future. But people who have no education are not well civilized. There is a misunderstanding and they leave people forever.

Sometimes you just have to admit it was just you trying to make things work. Maybe they found what they were looking for somewhere else and you no longer met their expectations. You were over your requirements; they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and difficult to face, but is it possible that this has happened? Sometimes we strive so hard to meet everyone's expectations, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to fit into the lives, interests and hobbies of other people, but there is no guarantee that they would stay. Perhaps they are so fickle that they continue to float among people, not sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Jealousy: Jealousy itself is a killer. People may have different reasons in different cultures for being jealous. Jealousy is a universal emotion. It damages the mind of yours or another. It is one of those demons that seem to take everything when it is felt and yet we leave others behind. Instead of getting jealous, you should focus first on yourself.

Sometimes giving up someone is kinder than holding them down. Yes, sometimes letting someone else go is the nicest thing to do. You are now free to do the things you always wanted to do. Are you no longer prevented from doing something you are putting off or feeling unable to do before that?

Alternatively, maybe that's why someone left. Because he felt trapped and stagnant in one aspect of his life, that made them very unhappy, so unhappy that they had to do something. That something was coming out of you, no matter how difficult it was for one or both.

Tired and Exhausted: People really do not understand the impact they leave on the lives of others. People get frustrated and leave others in the middle of nowhere. Other people think all their lives and what they have done wrong. They continue to mourn all their lives. It becomes frustrating and people feel guilty.

You have become very dependent. You got lost along the way and became very dependent and longed to be with them and have them around you and they recognized it and felt trapped, suffocated and desired! If you were less independent since you were together, did you have higher expectations of the other person? Did they see you as needy, sticky, vulnerable and maybe a little picky?

Not Finding More Interest: Sometimes people get tired of each other. They become depressed and therefore insult others. They lack confidence and self-acceptance. Instead of feeling bad about yourself, asking yourself what you can do to get things right and start acting accordingly, people misbehave and abandon you.

Together you no longer work. You constantly argued and built resentment and hostility built. You did not want to acknowledge this or continue to think it would look better, but the other person decided to leave first, but it's still hard to let go.

Trust simply disappeared. It is very difficult to go back in time and if a significant trust has been broken by either party. Being in a relationship will become unsustainable when a person has had enough and will no longer work in the relationship. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let it go, learn and rebuild. Take what's best in the relationship so you do not become cynical, but also learn from what went wrong.

Self-centered: Leaving people behind is the most frequent street in life. Sometimes we leave people because of our ego. We floated away from them, not calling. This luck erases our guilt and makes us look kind. From time to time there is a conscious choice to take someone out of our lives.

Why is it so much easier to leave the people we choose to leave, but we find it much harder to leave the people who chose to leave our lives? It could be something to do with the fact that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Let's split things up a bit and look at the reasons why we need to leave people, and secondly, why people chose to leave our lives in the first place.

Their relationship meant control. Let's face it; this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible that the other person was controlling you or you were trying to control them? Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of whom left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward, none of the people would be happy.


All of the factors mentioned above can be like spokes of a wheel. Part of a relationship mechanism that exists can be effectively harmful or not. They are just there. In a relationship without Christ as the axis, these spokes become axis and make the SNAFU’ s of each and every relationship. (SITUATION NORMAL, ALL FOWLED UP)

However, for the mind of Christ to work in us and to be able to change all situations, we have to understand the reality, and the events and people who traveled through our door (HELLO THERE Willie Nelson) as if they were part of God's plan for make us look to God as our only true friend. And he has promised us by his name, by his person and by his spirit that he will never leave us, he will never abandon any of his children, even when it seems that each one left you.

To break away from this mechanism of making friends, I unexpectedly discovered these lonely years, a thank you for the lonely road I was given to travel. For with this came a greater understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to know him not only as my Savior but my comfort, sustenance, hope and strength. I believe that until our worldly comforts are divested, we can begin to experience the true depth, duration, and height of their love for us.

Although I am grateful for what God is doing to me through trial, the enemy has worked hard to take advantage of my solitude whenever he can. However, despite his attacks and lies, Christ has used what the enemy intends to do harm and is showing me how this path of solitude is not out of his perfect will and plan for me.

Let's take some of the lies we are tempted to believe in times of loneliness.

I'm alone…
The lie: "Loneliness means that I am alone."

The truth: "Solitude draws the external comfort from those around me, leading me to find solace in Christ alone."


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all consolation, who comforts us in our affliction ... (2Corinthians 1: 3)

Yes, there are times when God allows us to feel alone in terms of the world around us. However, despite our extreme aversion to loneliness, God's grace allows us, for a period, to take us deeper into his Word and prayer, in search of a full and hopeful and living unity with him. Christ knows that we can not find true and lasting consolation in anyone but himself, since he is the only one who is the God of all comfort.

Removing the earthly comfort of those around us, the Lord moves us in one of two directions: toward a deeper intimacy with our Savior, or towards the unveiling of an unrepentant heart, which ultimately desires more comfort than Christ.

Brother or sister in Christ, if you feel alone in your suffering, thank God for loving him enough to allow that time in your life to bring him closer to him. He does not do this out of harshness, but out of a desire to increase his faith and provide for you that which only he can give. The secret is: look at the cross and now look around. You will see that when he was alone, Jesus made those around him his companions, because he was focused on true friendships. Look at your wife, your church, your children. They are there because of a covenant based on fellowship with the Cross.

Nobody understands…
The lie: "I am the only one who suffered thus, and no one will ever be able to understand my pain."

The truth: "Christ will not ask me to suffer anything that he himself has not yet suffered, and many who were before me endured similar or more difficult ways than I to bring me the comfort they received in Christ."

One of the reasons why the temptation arises is because we often do not know much about people or people, if there are, in our immediate circle of friends, relatives or even acquaintances who have been called upon to bear the specific burden that has been ours given load.

Even if we do indeed know someone else who can relate to our pain, different temperaments and levels of maturity in our faith provide unique experiences and responses within the same general judgment. So, although the reality is that others may have experienced a similar form of suffering, in our eyes, no one can fully understand our pain.

If the enemy can make us believe that there really is no one who can understand, it will tempt us to exclude others, even those whom God has provided for us as support and encouragement. The danger of this isolation is that it will drive us away from the people around us with the truth when we need it most, sending us to bitterness, depression, harshness, repentance and, ultimately, uselessness in the kingdom of God.

Therefore, we must remember this truth:

As we abundantly share in the sufferings of Christ, we also share abundantly in comfort through Christ. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort that you experience when you endure patiently the same sufferings that we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1: 5-6)

Jesus Christ is the only one who can enter into our pain completely and completely. Only he knows our hearts, temperaments, insecurities, fears, emotions and desires, and even more: our sins.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there is no truth in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we do not sin, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1: 8-10

Therefore, we struggle against the temptation to withdraw, first realizing that only Christ can fill the deep holes left by the regrets of life. When we realize that only Christ can bring us true and eternal comfort, we free people from having to meet our expectations. And when we free people to meet our expectations, our eyes open to the gift of the body of Christ and their provision of comfort given through their people.

Our Savior does not comfort us by clapping at a distance. Instead, it comforts us with the assurance of our salvation, the power of the Holy Spirit and the body of Christ, giving us strength, courage and daring.

God must not be loving...
The Lie: "A loving God would not make me take such a painful path. If you really love me, it will always provide support, encouragement, and understanding to those around me. "

The truth: "A loving God sent his own Son on the loneliest road that man knew, so that I would never have to go any way alone."

Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners so that you would not tire or despair. (Hebrews 12: 3)

Besides the grace of Jesus Christ, none of our sufferings in this life would have any purpose, value or hope. But because of the gospel, yes! So, instead of seeing these seasons of loneliness as our enemy and something to be avoided at all costs, we can see it as a privilege and a call to walk the lonely road of Calvary with our Savior. It allows us to experience glimpses of the path he has traveled so that we may also experience the great comfort and reward that will be ours for eternity in him.

I do not have enough faith...
The lie: "If I feel alone, I must not have enough faith."

The truth: "Holding firm to Jesus, despite his solitude, proclaim to those around me that it is worth the lonely road I run. It is a beautiful and glorifying image of faith in Christ in my Savior, who traveled the lonely and painful path to Calvary for my salvation, hope and comfort. It is an honor and a privilege to be called to walk in his footsteps because he assures me that I am a child of God. "


Behold, the hour cometh, and cometh near, wherein ye shall be scattered every one to his part, and leave me alone; but I am not alone, because the Father is with me. I have told you this, that in me ye may have peace; in the world ye shall have afflictions, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. John 16.32,33

The loving hand of God orders even the loneliness we experience in these painful ways. Although we feel alone, we are never truly abandoned. He allows these stations to produce in their children endurance, strength, unwavering faith, and uniqueness to the gospel. Solitude reminds us that this world is not our home, that we have been commissioned to spread the gospel in the place and time set for us.

Loneliness is not hopelessness and does not defeat us, but it enables us to know more of Christ and make him known to those around us.

My suggestion, my answer to the challenge of making a list of all my friends and all my thoughts, is to make a list of all the people God put into your life, and how and why, in reality, you can actually say why they are apparently gone. Sing on your list, in the hopes of Zion and the New Jerusalem, when we will meet with all our friends in Jesus, those who have offended us, and those we offend. Make a list of the truths you have forgotten, and the lies you have begun to believe and disclose. Seek shelter and fellowship with those around you. Find company in the now, find joy in hope brought by the future.

Believer, I am well aware that there are some extremely painful roads. I have recently felt the absence and the distance of many who have been part of my journey. I keep remembering when on the road next to Nenão, and in the list that I do today, he is far away, is closer today because we have the centrality of Jesus as the axis of our relationship. And so with many others! Yesterday, a friend of more than 30 years without seeing, called me, and I thanked God for it! I want to cultivate this axis. and thus, any adverse situations in the friendships, may be trusted in the power of the knowledge of God.